Page 271 of Entering Stronghold


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“Selfish,” Andrew said, succinctly. Lexie kicked him. Fortunately, she didn’t spill any of her coffee, although it was a near thing. She’d drunk just enough that it sloshed almost to the brim but not quite. “Let me put it this way, let’s say... Jake came home and one of your friends wanted to date him. Wouldn’t you want a heads up from your friend, rather than hearing about it from someone else? Or hearing about it after they’d been dating for a while? Wouldn’t you feel left out of the loop?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it. Point to Andrew. Of course she’d want to know before her brother started dating one of her friends. Just because she’d want to know, no other reason. “It’s not the same,” she said finally. “I wouldn’t make her ask permission.”

“It’s doubtful she’d want to tie your brother up, whip him, and do all sorts of other dirty things to him... not to mention, take control of his day-to-day life. The kind of submission Patrick wants is intense. Some people would see it as too controlling or a loss of freedom. They might even worry it’s abusive. Jake’s your brother, he loves you, and he’s going to worry about you no matter who you date. Knowing what kind of relationship Patrick wants might make it even harder on him. They’re friends. Patrick’s going to want to reassure him. That’s what friends do. You’re not thinking about anyone but yourself and Patrick, but what happens between you two affects all of us, because we’re all friends with both of you.”

Silently, Lexie took a bite of her bagel sandwich and chewed, thinking over what Andrew had said. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, as if judging how she was taking what he was putting down. So far, she thought she was taking it pretty well. She could see what he was saying, and yeah... she might have overreacted to Patrick wanting to talk to Jake.

“But what if Jake said no and Patrick just accepted it?” Even the idea made her furious. She took a ferocious bite of her bagel to vent some of her feelings. Andrew just snorted.

“Then he wouldn’t be worth your time anyway. Come on, Lex, it’s Patrick. Do you really think he’d just let something he wanted go?”

“He let me go,” she said, disgruntled. “Even when I showed up at Stronghold last night, he barely even looked at me before he went to his office.”

“Seriously Lex... you were doing so well,” Andrew said, shaking his head like he was disappointed in her. Except he was smiling too. “You ran from him on Thursday and hid in the locker room, and then instead of going to talk to him after you calmed down, you ran again. You ghosted him when he reached out to you. When you came to Stronghold, you weren’t wearing the collar he gave you, which makes the statement you’re no longer his to dominate. Exactly what claim on you do you think he has? What Dom do you think would tolerate being treated like that?”

“He was supposed to come after me, to prove to me that he cares about me more than he cares about...” Her voice trailed off. Ugh. Lexie shrank down a bit, hunching her shoulders as her words echoed in her head. No wonder Andrew was calling her selfish and telling her to grow up. No wonder they all were. She hadn’t realized it until she’d said the words out loud, but she was acting like a high school teenager with a crush, not like an adult who wanted a relationship.

Granted, she still wished Patrick had come after her harder... but then again, he’d reached out, hadn’t he? He’d called and texted, and because it wasn’t the response she wanted, she’d ignored it. Dismissed it. And she wanted him to prove that he cared more about her than he did about Jake?

UGH.

When did she get so needy? She knew he loved them both. Yeah, he should fight for her, but he should also respect his friendship with Jake. She should respect their friendship too instead of playing games to try and push Patrick into behaving the way she wanted him to. Not that she’d meant to play games, exactly, but that’s what had happened.

That’s what Andrew meant when he said she was only thinking about herself. Yeah, she thought she could make Patrick happy, but she was going about it in the wrong way right now. She’d started off so right, but then when he hadn’t followed the course she’d plotted out in her head, when he hadn’t reacted the right way, she’d practically had a meltdown.

“I’m such an idiot,” she mumbled, tears sparking in her eyes.

“Aw, it’s okay honey, we all are sometimes,” Andrew said, reaching over to pat her on the head. “Besides, you aren’t all in the wrong. He shouldn’t have let you push him into training you so soon in the first place.”

“Thanks,” Lexie said, snorting. “Not exactly what I meant.”

“Yeah well, relationships are rough. Especially when you’re into kink and trying to figure out if the person you love can also give you what you need.” Something about his voice had changed, and when Lexie looked at him, he was staring off into space, looking at a blank spot on her wall. She immediately knew he wasn’t really talking about her and Patrick. “It’s not easy and it can go really, really badly. I don’t blame Patrick at all for being cautious. I’m surprised he wasn’t more so.”

“You’re talking about you and Katherine, aren’t you?” she asked quietly, not wanting to jolt him out of his introspective mood. Andrew so rarely brought up his ex, especially what ended their relationship, even this little bit of insight was a revelation.

“I pushed too hard, and she couldn’t handle it,” he said, just as quietly. The inherent sadness in his expression had Lexie scooting closer to him, leaning her head against his shoulder to offer comfort. “I know Patrick was scared of doing the same thing to you.”

“That’s because he thinks I don’t know what I want or need.”

“No, it’s because the reality is different from the fantasy. Katherine had the fantasies, but she couldn’t handle the reality.”

Yeah, like how in her fantasies, she could always handle everything Patrick threw at her. And her nipples were never sore for days after a scene. Not that she minded that part, she just hadn’t fantasized about it. For her, the reality had been just as good as her fantasies, better, but she could imagine how that might not have been the case. What if Patrick had been more into pain than she’d thought? Or demanded High Protocol all of the time? There were a few couples at Stronghold who practiced that, and she couldn’t imagine always having to ask to speak. Sure, she’d known he’d never required it of his girlfriends, but she’d never known for sure what went on in his bedroom.

Poor Andrew. He was still staring off into space, his mostly-eaten bagel just resting in his hand on his thigh. Lexie nuzzled her head against his shoulder. “Is that why you’re such a man-whore now?”

“Excuse me?” he asked, jerking out of his reverie, and Lexie giggled, as he pushed her away from him. He practically pouted at her, insulted. “Did you just call me a man-whore?”

“Hey, if the shoe fits...”

“Just because I like to make sure as many of Stronghold’s masochistic submissives are as satisfied as possible...”

Lexie rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that.”

“What do you mean by that?” Andrew asked, narrowing his eyes at her. Lexie gave him a look.

“Seriously? You might satisfy a few of the subs, who don’t want relationships, like Ellie, but the rest of them wish you would settle down. Granted, they all want to be the one you settle down with...”

“They know the score.”

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