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I barely met her gaze. “I knew you wouldn’t leave if I asked, and I wanted to be alone.”
“You wanted to pretend like you were a monster that might harm me at any moment,” Roisin shot back.
Her words caused me to snarl, “Well, I wouldn’t be wrong.”
She continued to glare at me. “I will remind you, your majesty, I have been in this castle far longer than you. I have experienced dangers and weathered many a storm. Believe me, I can keep myself safe.”
“Fine. You want to stay? Put yourself in danger then, whatever, but you have to agree to follow some basic rules. First, if I tell you to leave, you leave. If you suspect I’m not myself or I’m about to lose it to them, you get the hell out of my room, understand?”
Roisin bowed. “There is my queen. Yes, your majesty, I agree.”
I nodded. “The kitchen has been feeding the children that Jaqueth brings to the castle.”
She appeared a little surprised by the sudden change in topic. “I am aware.”
After the assassination attempt on Dagda, two things were evident. I was too dangerous to be around, and my sisters’ depravity knew no bounds. “I want you to keep the children fed, but outside the castle. It won't be safe here until…” Never. I grit my teeth. “Just make sure they are not fed here. And make sure Jaqueth gets whatever he asks for the children.”
“I shall see to it as you wish, my queen.” She straightened. “Now, the king has invited you to eat lunch with him later today. What shall I convey to him is your response?”
It surprised me how quickly Roisin slipped into being all business. But with everything that happened, it was clear I wasn’t getting to a library without running it by Dagda. So lunch might work.
“You can tell him I’ll attend.”
The delight on Roisin’s face brought a smile to mine.
“That was much easier than I thought it would be,” she said. “I will have the guards fetch water for a bath.”
My smile faltered.
Roisin's delight turned to concern. “Or perhaps your majesty would prefer a sponge bath?”
I shook my head. “No, I’d feel like a child. I-I’ll take a normal one.”
When the tub was filled, I steadied my breathing. “It’s just water,” I muttered to myself. “It’s just water.” I climbed into the tub and lowered my body into the lapping, hot liquid.
I tried not to think about blood. About it coating my hands, my arms, my legs. Tried not to think of the taste in my mouth. Tried not to think of Dagda’s chest ripped open, of his roars of pain, of the crimson dribbling down the assassin’s face.
With a cry, I lunged from the water. It was on me, everywhere, staining me, branding me, marking every sin, every secret. Roisin rushed in, towels clutched to her bosom, and I ripped one from her grasp and began rubbing.
My hands were shaking. I couldn’t get dry. It wouldn’t comeoff.
What are you afraid of, sister?Macha asked.
It is the water, it must remind her of something. Does it remind you of the blood of the king?Badb’s words caused a sob to rise in my throat.
Perhaps she is traumatized by what we have done to her,Macha taunted.
Badb laughed.You are broken, little faerie queen.
They didn’t take over. Almost like they refused to. As if they enjoyed my suffering.
“Chels, Chels, Chels,” Roisin murmured my name. She took my hand and led me to the edge of the tub, where she wrapped her arms around me and held me tight while I sat there and trembled, clutching the towel limply between my hands.
“Perhaps a sponge bath might be best, your majesty. For now,” Roisin said.
I nodded into her shoulder. “Okay, but I will do it.”
Roisin gave me a sympathetic smile. “As you wish.”
