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Reaching for the railing, I attempted to keep myself upright. “What? I thought you loved baseball.”
“I do,” he said, his mouth turning up at the corners. “It’s been my life for as long as I can remember. A dream I had since I was a little boy, and I’ve gotten to live it. I’ve been blessed more than I could ever hope for or desire. And…I’m tired.”
He stopped speaking as he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. He exhaled before he continued. “I’ve been thinking it was time to walk away before you even showed up and rocked my entire world.”
“But you’re the best pitcher in the league. My brother said you’d probably make millions on a contract renewal.”
“I have more money than I know what to do with, Rose. I donate a lot, I’ve paid off my parents’ house, put money away for them so they can retire early if they want, put my own retirement money away. I don’t need any more money. I need…I need something more.”
His eyes felt like they were searching deep into my soul. I was both excited and scared at the same time. What was the more he was going to say?
“What do you mean…more?”
“I want a normal life. I want to date someone like how regular people date. I want to get married and have kids one day. I want to coach Little League baseball or hell, even T-ball.”
My hand came up to my mouth to keep my laughter in. “Do you know how many fathers would shit their pants if they saw you coaching T-ball?”
He chuckled. “I want a normal life, Rose.”
Looking away from him, all I could do was nod.
“I’m going to announce my retirement from baseball next month.”
My entire body swung around and faced him. “What?”
“I was going to wait until the end of the season, but my shoulder decided to speed it up.”
“You’re not going to play baseball anymore?”
He slowly shook his head, and I could see the sadness in his eyes, but at the same time, something like relief was there.
“How does that make you feel?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes,” I said with a nod. “Always honesty.”
“Scared. Excited. Worried.”
I chewed on my lower lip as I took him in. “Would you have bought land in Victor if you hadn’t met me?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I planned on moving back to Montana, so I’m not sure where I would have ended up.”
“What if I’m not interested in anything other than friendship?”
Bryson reached for my hand, and the heat from his touch caused me to inhale sharply. “Are you not interested in even trying?”
“If I say I don’t want any part of designing your house, what would you say?”
“Okay. But will you still go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?”
Blinking rapidly, I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
“I like you, Rose. A lot. I don’t want to walk away from something that is pulling me so goddamn hard I can’t think straight.”
Closing my eyes, I whispered, “I feel it, too, and that scares me, Bryson.”
“Why does it scare you?”
“I felt this strange emotion that night with you, and that’s why I left. I tried to convince myself it was because of who you were, your job, different states, and that was part of it, but I’m also so confused about where I’m going in my life. I don’t have a job or know what I want to do, but I do know I don’t want to start a design business. I’m so confused about everything in my life right now.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Let’s start there. Let me at least be a friend to you, Rose. And if you don’t want a design business, don’t do one. If you don’t want to design the house, we’ll go inside and tear up the contracts right now. All I really care about is this.”
He motioned back and forth between us.
“I want to get to know you better. I want to see where things go, but if you tell me to turn and walk away right now, I’ll do it. I’ll hate it, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, but I’ll do it.”
I swallowed hard, glanced at the door that led back into the law firm, and closed my eyes.
“Please talk to me.”
Focusing back on Bryson, I fought to hold back my tears. “I don’t want you to walk away.”
He smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. “Then what is going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out as I prepared to bare myself to Bryson. “Everyone knows what they want to do, but I have no clue. I thought it was designing, and I do love it, but I don’t know if I want to do that for a living. I don’t want my parents upset with me, but I feel so damn lost. All of my cousins have goals. They have dreams. Morgan’s was to design clothes. She’s kicking ass at her dream. Blayze’s was to work on the ranch, and he’s never been happier. Lily’s is to work with horses. Bradly is bull riding. Avery is modeling. My brother Josh wants to help my father raise bulls. Nathan loves bull riding and anything to do with the ranch. And me…I’m good at drawing houses. I like doing it as a side hobby. I have no idea what I want to do for a living. Even you seem to have a purpose, and you’re walking away from a career that you love, and you seem at peace with it.” Tears pooled in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to hold them back. “How can I give myself to you when I don’t even know who I am?”
