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Dimitri snorted as he dragged over another folding chair and dropped into it beside Gregori. “Most likely he hasn’t noticed we’ve been giving him space because he’s been so wrapped up in the mage.”
He wanted to snap at them that he’d also been concerned with rescuing the Sousa and Tupã dragons from their imprisonment, but who the hell did he think he was fooling? Yes, he wanted to bring them all safely out of the grotto. However, Amaru had ruled his mind from the first gasp he took upon awakening.
“I just… Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep my hands off him?” Vasily held his hands out in front of him, fingers curled almost into claws and trembling. “Every time I’m around him, anytime I can even smell him, I want to grab him, pull him into my arms, and not let him free ever again. This isn’t my dragon wanting to claim him.” He paused and mentally rolled his eyes at himself as his dragon huffed in his mind. “Well, not only my dragon. When he’s out of my sight, I can’t focus. I’m constantly wondering where he is and if he’s safe. Even when I know he’s with Luka, I can’t relax until I see him with my own eyes.”
Vasily shoved his hands into his hair and pulled on the stands, as if the pain would finally pull his brain out of the perpetual fog.
“And when you are with them, the anxiety only lightens a little,” Dimitri finished for him. The dragon shrugged. “Rodrigo assures me it gets easier when you go through the bonding ceremony. The magical tether between you becomes a constant reassurance.”
Ouch.
Vasily fought to keep the wince off his face as he dropped his hands to his sides. Dimitri had been with Sam for months now, but they couldn’t complete the bonding ceremony until the mage’s core was fixed. And if Sam’s core was never fixed, that niggling fear would never leave Dimitri. Not to mention Sam’s life span would be significantly shorter since he wouldn’t have a dragon’s power to draw on.
“It’ll be okay,” Gregori said. “Amaru is yours. It’ll work itself out soon enough. He’s got a lot on his plate dealing with all those sleeping dragons and mages under the lake.”
Licking his lips, Vasily hesitated, nearly choking on the ball of words clumped at the back of his throat. “What if you’re right?” He dropped his gaze to the map, but his mind returned to the conversation he and Luka had shared. “What if Amaru is my mate?” He lifted his gaze up to his friends as he balled one hand into a fist. “Just my mate.”
Gregori stiffened while Dimitri shifted in his chair, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “What? You don’t think Luka is his mate too?”
“No, I do!” Vasily pounded on his chest with both hands to stress his point. “I know Amaru belongs to both of us, the same way I know Luka and Amaru are both my mates. But Luka…” Vasily’s throat threatened to close up on him. “He doesn’t know if Amaru is. His dragon isn’t saying anything and it’s left him lost and insecure. I don’t know what to do to help him.”
Vasily paced away from his friends, suddenly feeling as if he were trapped in a cage. He wanted to shift and take to the sky, to feel the wind slipping along his scales. Only with that freedom would he be able to take a full, deep breath.
But if he did that, when he looked over, he wouldn’t see Luka’s dragon on his right where he belonged. Flying was never as enjoyable without Luka at his side.
“I’m losing my mind. I know it,” Vasily mumbled under his breath as he turned back toward Gregori and Dimitri. “In my mind and in my heart, I know Amaru is my mage mate. With the same certainty, I know Luka is my mate. By that very clear logic, that would have to mean Amaru is Luka’s mate too. Right?”
But what if he was just fooling himself? He and Luka had been together for years. It could be his heart refusing to face reality because it might mean letting Luka go. And that thought was akin to dying. He didn’t want to keep breathing without Luka’s smile there to greet him each morning.
How was that fair to Amaru?
“I sat down, thought this through, and realized that if I had to make the choice, I’d choose Luka.”
Dimitri hissed out a loud breath, Gregori echoing it. Vasily winced, because he had to agree, that was an unthinkable sentence for a dragon to utter. But it remained the truth.
“It tears at my heart to even say that, but I can’t…I can’t let go of Luka. I just can’t.”
