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“Okay, you little rebel. Stay right there until I come around.” I exited and walked around the cruiser to find Henley hadn’t moved a muscle. I couldn’t hide my smile as I opened his door and unbuckled his seatbelt.
I offered him a hand, and Henley took it to climb out of the car. Once I had a hold of him, I wasn’t about to let him go, so I pushed the door closed with my free hand and led him towards the entrance.
But as we neared the door, I noticed Henley looking around wildly, and his hand twitching in mine. I stopped in my tracks and looked at him to ask, “Is something wrong?”
He shook his head. “It’s just…someone might see us and think we’re holding hands.”
I was confused by the remark, considering we were holding hands. But I didn’t want to cross any boundaries; I didn’t know what he was comfortable with in public…or in private, for that matter. I had a lot to learn about the sweet man, and I was looking forward to it.
I let go of Henley and said, “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t. I just figured you forgot to let go of me after helping me out of the car. And if someone saw us, they might think we were on a date or something.” His cheeks burned brightly as he spoke, and his fingers were tied up in his hair.
“Is that…bad?” Maybe I’d read Henley wrong, and he just wanted a platonic relationship. It would disappoint the hell out of me, but I wouldn’t push for something he wasn’t willing to give. I’d be grateful for time together, even if it was just spent as friends.
“Not for me,” he answered quickly. “For you.”
“Because…I’m a cop?” I had come across caring, yet misguided people in the past who worried that my sexuality could affect my profession. Henley was a sweetheart, so maybe he was just trying to look out for me. “It’s okay, Henley; everyone I work with knows that I’m gay. I don’t hide who I am.”
“That’s good,” he said with a tiny smile. “I’m glad for you.”
I nodded slowly, as my mind tried to wrap itself around this conversation. “Do people know about you?”
“I don’t know a lot of people,” he shrugged, “But I don’t hide who I am, either.”
Okay, so he’s out, but he thought I was holding onto him by accident. He doesn’t think a date would be bad for him, but would be for me, but not because of my job and…sad realization dawned on me, and I swallowed down a painful lump. “You think I wouldn’t want people to assume I’m on a date with you.”
Henley nodded and his eyes fell to the ground as my heart broke. “That’s true; I don’t want anyone to assume we’re on a date, so there’s only one thing to do,” I sighed, and his eyebrows knitted together like he was waiting for rejection. “I’ll have to hold your hand extra tight so everyone knows we’re on a date.”
His pretty blue eyes flew wide open as I laced our fingers together, and they stayed that way until we were inside the restaurant and the hostess led us to a booth in the corner. I helped Henley slide onto the leather seat, and sat down next to him, still clasping his palm.
“This is a date,” he whispered to himself, making me chuckle…until he added, “This is bad.” Then all humor and hope left me, a heaping helping of confusion taking their place. “No!” Henley added quickly, apparently seeing the pain on my face. “It’s not bad; I’m bad. Terrible, actually. I’m terrible on dates.”
I breathed a sigh of relief; he was just feeling self conscious. We could deal with that. “Says who?”
“Literally everyone I’ve been on a date with.”
Ouch. “Then you’ve dated the wrong guys.” He deserved better than some jerks who said mean things to him.
“But how do I know? What if I’m on a date with the right guy, but I crap it up? What if I crap this up?” His gaze was full of pained confusion, and I could feel his quick heartbeat beneath my fingers.
“Close your eyes,” I told him simply, and Henley’s eyelids slammed shut on command. "Take deep breaths with me." Just like earlier in his car, Henley followed my instruction and breathing pattern until he appeared more calm and relaxed. "There you go. Now one last deep breath and open your eyes again."
He did as I requested, blinking open to give me a sheepish smile. "Thank you. I'm sorry you have to keep doing that."
"Don't be. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. I'm glad I get to be the one to take care of you." He didn't know yet how far those words could reach. I longed to care for him in so many ways.
