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Her eyes widen. “Why?”
Shame and worry clog my throat as I swallow. “Because of Mom. The stuff she was saying.”
Pippa hums, nodding.
I think about what Rory said, how I should talk to Pippa about it, and I pull my knees closer to me, tracing the edges of my phone case. “It’s supposed to be my calling.” My brow knits. “Helping people feel good about themselves and their bodies.”
She sighs. “These things have been the truth to her for her entire life.” Pippa plays with the duvet, running her fingertips over the seams. “Change takes time, and we don’t know what’s going on in her head.” She squeezes my knee. “Keep being a safe place for her to land. When she’s ready, she’ll let you know.”
I nod, looking away and blinking fast as my eyes sting. “When did you get so wise?” She laughs, and I grin at her. “Love you.”
“Love you, too,” she whispers.
We settle back against the headboard and putBridesmaidson. Halfway through the movie, my phone lights up.
It’s from Rory. My eyes go wide. A video. Thisthingwe’re doing has escalated to videos. The video thumbnail shows him seated in his hotel room, shirtless. Anticipation thrills through me, and my curiosity is at an all-time high.
“What’s that?” Pippa asks in my ear, and I jump, jerking my phone away to hide it. The smile she gives me says she knows exactly what it is.
“Nothing.” My voice is strangled and my eyes dart around. I looksoguilty.
She wiggles her eyebrows. “He’s sending you videos now, huh?”
“No.” I shake my head, staring at the video thumbnail. “I don’t know. Yes.”
“Are you going to watch it?”
God, I want to.
I gesture at her. “It’s weird.”
“I’ll go for a walk.”
“Pippa,no.” I’m laughing now, too. “I can’t.” My gaze lingers on the thumbnail again. Every instinct in my body is pleading with me to watch this video. “If I watch it,” I admit, “I might like it too much.”
Her eyes are still lit up with entertainment as she nods in an understanding way, mocking me. “And you might send one back?”
I choke. “No.”
Yes. That’s exactly what I might do.
Shit. This thing has boiled over. This isn’t even close to being fake. Panic skyrockets inside me and I toss Pippa my phone.
“Take it.”
She gives me a strange look. “I’mnot going to watch it.”
“No.” My expression turns pleading. “Take my phone. At least until we get home tomorrow. I’m thinking about him too much. I’m—” A frustrated noise comes out of me. This is embarrassing. “I’m like, reading over our text chats every day. I look at all the photos he sent and think about them the rest of the day. I need to clear my head and get this thing under control again. Please. Take my phone.”
My pulse still races, and I think about Rory and myself running through Stanley Park, laughing. It would be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and then he would get sick of me, and all I’d be left with is a closet full of lingerie and stale memories of the good times.
“Please, Pippa.”
She puts my phone on airplane mode before tucking it away, and we spend the rest of the evening watching the movie and eating hotel room snacks from the minibar.
I lie in bed until the early hours of the morning, thinking about what’s on that video.
CHAPTER43
