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“I think we’ve arrived,” Kami murmured into the side of my face where she’d been pressing feather light kisses to my temple.
My arms tightened around her middle. My face turned into the curve of skin between her neck and shoulder.
I wasn’t ready.
How had nine hours just slipped into non-existence?
What had we done in that time?
How was it not enough?
“Come to dinner with us?” she whispered, voice thick enough that I realized she was having just as hard a time letting go.
I shook my head. “I can’t.” I pulled together the shredded remains of my pride and my strength and pulled back. I let myself stroke away the tears on her cheek before giving her my best grin. “Stop looking at me like that, kitten. I’m not going to war. I’m one floor away.”
We both knew that wasn’t the issue, but she offered me a wobbly smile and nodded. “You’re right. I think I’m just tired.”
I touched her face again, just once more before I steeled myself and pushed open the door to the late, city air.
The sensory overload plowed into me with a ferocity that rocked me back on my heels. The chaos, the blaring noise, the rush of bodies had my nerves prickling, my senses screaming. The hand I had around the door, holding it open, tightened, pressing white knuckles up through my skin. I tried not to look at everything and everyone all at once like some rabid, crazy person as crowds pushed past me in a rush.
Breathe!I urged myself, suddenly desperate for a fucking cigarette. It would mask the tremor in my hands that I balled into fists.
Looming structures of steel and glass punctured into the sky, a sky darkening as night spilled into day, reminding me of claws, of gaping and hollow eyes watching me from everywhere. They were all too close and too far, surrounding me and yet not close enough.
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
A fist had closed around my chest, cutting off my air, my senses.
Panic welled, triggering the alarm bells in my head.
“Hey, look at me.” Someone was holding my sweaty hand and tugging on my arm, urging my attention down, down to a golden landscape of warm, brown sand. Kami watched me, her expression set, but soft. “I’m here. I’m right here. Deep breath.”
I was hurting her.
I could feel the rigid tension of my fingers grinding into her tiny one, but I knew if I let her go and she vanished, I would truly fall apart for good.
“I’m…”
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “Don’t let go, okay? Let’s go inside.”
I couldn’t have let go even if I tried.
I let her thank Juan.
I let her hold me together as we made our way inside.
“Sir!” Lewis, the elderly doorman, bowed his head deeply when I entered the extravagant foyer of the Alexander. “It’s so wonderful to see you again. Welcome home.”
I gave him an inclination of my head, all the emotion I could allow myself when my senses felt raw and shredded.
Kami beamed at him with her beautiful smile and said some words I couldn’t hear through the roar of the ocean. She didn’t let that smile slip until we were alone in the elevator and the doors had closed behind us.
I blew out a breath the moment I was confined in a box no bigger than a closet. My muscles unfurled, unclenching as I pulled another gulp of air in. Then another. Kami murmured encouragingly until I could open my eyes again and peer into her face.
“Hey.” She gave me a smile. “Okay?”
I exhaled again, emptying out all the anxiety balled tight in my chest. “I’m sorry—”
