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Jester doesn’t like when I mention Lando. He wants to pretend his heart didn’t break when that boy died.
But we’re both tied to our traumas. We can’t outrun or ignore them. Pain is what got us to this point in life, and our future is dependent on how we learn to handle the worst moments from our past.
GHOST
Luca and I enjoy ourlarge shower as soon as we return home. I feel the stress of the last few days eating at my skin, making me crazy. The light is too bright. The water feels too hot one second and then quickly too cold.
Forever patient, Luca doesn’t rush me. We stand under the water, washing each other off. More than once, I step back and consider hiding from her. For most of my life, I went through this garbage alone. It’s what I still expect.
Luca doesn’t let me retreat, but she never pushes me to embrace her. Humming, she washes herself rather than touch me. I watch her and hate how I’m not a better man. The ugliness in my head steals my breath. I feel the darkness tugging me down.
“Ghost,” she says softly, wiping water from her eyes.
Her voice is so familiar, drawing me away from the darkness. I know this woman. She loves me. I’m the only man who’s ever interested her.
When Luca told me that for the first time, I didn’t believe her. But I know her better now. Over the last year, I’ve learned how she ticks. That’s why I believe everything she says.
“I love you,” Luca whispers.
Her voice still sounds too loud in my defective brain. I want to sink down into the corner and hide. But there’s comfort in reaching out for Luca.
She didn’t die on this mission. For a year, I believed I would lose her in Texas. I didn’t really let myself relax into our life because that mission hung over everything we did.
Now, it’s over. We won. Luca doesn’t have a scratch on her. We can start the rest of our lives together.
When I focus on Luca, the creeping sensation on my skin fades. We move out of the shower and dry off each other. I focus on her soft skin. My fingers brush across the lean muscles that make her so powerful. I recall those online videos I found of Luca playing with her professional volleyball team. She was a machine, unrelenting and unbreakable.
Now, she wraps me in her arms and sways. I know she isn’t moving us to the bed. Fucking isn’t an option when I feel this way, but touching Luca is a sedative. My hands slide down her spine before resting on her hard ass.
We stay that way for a long time before taking turns dressing each other. I slide on her panties. She pulls up my briefs. I struggle to figure out her damn bra snaps, making Luca laugh in her husky way.
I love how happy she sounds. My woman suffered for a long time. Even before those evil fucks stole her future, she felt alone. When we met, she was ice cold inside.
Now, she runs hot. Not only for me, but for Hope and our friends. Luca’s in love with her life. I like knowing I’m the reason she gave the Sanctuary a chance.
Once we’re dressed, we head downstairs. Hope will be home soon. I consider picking her up from Tank and Sweet Buns’s house. Before I can go anywhere, Apex shows up at my front porch.
