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“Ah, get out of here,” I say, not looking at her, but I can feel her smiling as she walks off.
Chapter40
Hellie
Isit on the back porch with Dad. It’s early in the morning and not too hot yet. The overhead fan spins lazily, and the sun reflects off the rocks, stretching out into the desert. Dad drinks coffee and stretches his legs. I sip tea, cupped in both hands, enjoying the comfort and the warmth.
It’s beautiful, and I don’t want to ruin it by talking, but we’ve been silent for a half hour and there’s too much to say. I’m afraid I’m running out of time.
“It’s beautiful.” I glance at him, gauging his response. He smiles and nods.
“Gorgeous. Makes you wonder.”
“Yeah? Wonder what?”
“What’s out there. All the stuff we’re missing. It’s a big world, honey. You can spread yourself out a bit, you know.”
My eyebrows raise. “Is that your sideways attempt at commenting on my relationship with Erick?”
“Nah. Never.”
“Dad.”
“Alright. You want me to be straight?”
“Please, go ahead.”
“The guy’s a criminal. You could do better.”
I laugh and punch his arm. “Coming from you?”
“I know, but hey, takes one to know one. But in this case, Costa’s on a different level. His family, they’re like an octopus with tentacles big enough to cover the whole ocean. Do you understand what you’d be signing up for if you really got into his life? It’s not just this house, hon.”
“I have a vague idea,” I admit, looking out at the landscape. I can picture wealth, power, danger. Though all I want is this place, the art studio, and my gorgeous husband in my bed. “It’s hard to imagine, all that other stuff.”
“Just think about it, that’s all. Don’t get drowned by him. Don’t get sucked in too deep.”
“You worried about me?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“Funny coming from the guy that abandoned me to these people.” I try to say it lightly, but the bitterness comes out anyway.
Dad’s silent for a minute. His lips are pressed tight and his eyebrows are knitted down. It’s his thinking face.
“I get why you think that, but it wasn’t my intention.” He speaks slowly like he wants to be sure he’s understood.
“I’m sure. You didn’t consider what would happen to me when you bailed, did you?”
“I had contingency plans. I had ideas.” He leans his head back and sighs. “Alright, if I’m honest, I fucked up.”
“There you go. I’m glad you said it.” I take a sip of tea, not used to this version of my father—he’s never been able to admit to his mistakes in the past.
“I’m sorry, Heloise. I didn’t know they’d go for you, but I should have.”
I consider my father. He’s sunken, and shrinking every day, pieces of him disappearing. Soon, there won’t be any of him left. “You’ve always been that way. Only thinking about yourself, never planning for anyone else. I’ve known you long enough that I’m used to it by now, but it still hurts.”
“I’m sorry, Heloise. I really am. But I’m here now, and I want to do right by you.”
