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“I’m not running this time. I need the house fixed in one week. Can they do that?”
“Yes.”
“Good, do not give my number out. Not even to Madison. Just let them know I am unavailable. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, but you’re okay, right? Do I need to come over there and bring you back home?”
“No, I will be fine. I always am. I just want to write and get all these feelings out and resolve them.”
“Okay. I will see you for New Years.”
“Thanks, Vi.”
I hang up the phone, placing it in my purse before I move on to the next store. Retail therapy always does the trick. I pick out new outfits, pjs, lingerie, shoes, purses, dresses, perfume, lotions, everything my heart desired I bought. I had to request security for assistance helping me bring all my bags to my SUV. But even after all of that shopping, my heart still longed for Caleb. I wanted to know how he was doing, if he was okay, why she is back after all these years, does he still want her, is she trying to get him back and so many other unanswered questions I now have.
“Grandma, if you were here, I am sure you would know what to say to me. But you’re not, so I will try. Julia, get your shit together, you are a strong independent woman, you don’t pine over a man, if it’s meant to be it will be, if not move the fuck on and under the next one.”
Okay, that’s probably not what she would say about getting under another man, but it sounded good for my inner sex vixen.
CALEB
CAN’T LIE BY ALI GATIE
Have you ever felt your heart sink to your asshole?
Well, that’s how I feel at this moment. My heart literally dropped, I can’t breathe, my hands are shaking as my eyes take in an older, not dead, Lucy. Lucy is in my doorway, meanwhile Julia is in the living room. We were arguing about her rummaging through Lucy’s belongings, who is supposed to be dead, but is not dead, and I told her to leave.
I know she can’t go home, but I figure she can go to Madison while I sort out this new fucking mess of my life. She looked crushed that I told her to get out. It came out harsher than I intended it too but I couldn’t have the conversation I needed to have with her here.
“I don’t understand. You’re supposed to be dead. You have been dead for almost five years. We buried you. Your parents mourned you.” I slam the front door as she takes off her coat and takes a seat on my couch.
“I know you have a lot of questions and I want to explain everything. I just need you to hear me out. That’s all I ask.”
I cross my arms as I stand close to the door. My feet plant themselves in place, as I don’t want to be anywhere near this woman. I don’t know her. I gesture to her to continue, and she adjusts herself, getting comfortable before she proceeds.
“I miscarried.”
I interject, “I know that I was there.”
“Yes, I know you were but what you don’t know is I got depressed. I started using drugs to help me feel again but I got in debt with the wrong people. I never told you how bad it was because I wanted to get out of it on my own. But they were going to come after you. I wanted to kill myself many times before that night but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Then I got the call from the doctor, he told me I had cancer and I lost it. I wrote you that letter and then I cut myself bad, which is the blood you saw.”
I am looking at her, but my blood is boiling. I feel like my tears are burning under my eyes begging me to release the dam I have been holding in.
“I panicked… I called my father. He came over, saw the state I was in and told me I needed to get out, seek help. He had me committed and I allowed you to believe I was dead, because I felt dead inside. I didn’t want you to be ashamed or embarrassed to have a weak wife. And I was going to die anyway. I was sick Caleb.”
I clench my fists, before I step a little closer.
“So, you let me believe that my wife killed herself because I wasn’t there to stop her, because I was working to save money to try IVF? So, you let your family make me believe you were dead? I had a funeral for you. I stopped talking to my parents for you. I mourned you for four years. I mourned a love that was not real.”
“No. That’s not true. Baby please. Listen.” She gets up and I lose it.
“Don’t fucking call me baby. I am not your baby. You are a liar. You are a deceitful person. How could you do that to me? You could have told me. I could have helped you. We were a team. You and I.”
At this point I somehow made it directly in front of her. Her body heat sears against mine and we aren’t even touching.
“My father told me not to, because the men that were after me, would come looking again to collect the debt.”
“Your dad lied to me, kept the truth from me. I spent thousands of dollars burying my wife, who is actually still alive. You could have saved me so much pain if you would have just said you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I could have moved on sooner.” I choke back the angry tears that are threatening to burst out of me. I have never been so angry before, so I try to steady my breathing.
