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“I think I’m going to fly in on Christmas Eve and fly out on the 26th. In the evening.”
A million fragments of expressions crossed Katie’s face, and Maggie knew she was working hard to rein them in.
Eventually, she settled on an impressed smile. She knew all about Maggie’s dynamic with her family, of course. “How do you think they’re going to feel about that?”
Maggie huffed. “No idea. Not good, I imagine, but what difference does it really make? They do presents in the evening of the 25th, after dinner. I’d be there for all of that. They wouldn’t…”
She trailed off, feeling guilty for even thinking it. Sure, they wouldn’t really do anything for her being back, and she didn’t need them to, especially at such a busy time of year, but they’d barely even pay attention to her. She’d be stuck in shallow conversation after shallow conversation with people who didn’t really care how she was doing, told her they’d missed her when they really hadn’t, and promised to be in touch, or even come visit her over the next year, when that never happened. She heard from people in her immediate family via text every few months at most, and nothing from anyone else except when she attended Christmas. It just wasn’t what she wanted every year for the rest of her life.
She shook her head. “Besides, I have a birth booked that’s supposed to happen on the 29th. It’s her first, and she’s absolutely certain the baby isn’t coming until next year, but I can’t afford to be out of town too long.”
“Ah, maybe I’ll see you in the hospital for the first birth of the new year,” Katie laughed.
Maggie smiled at her. She was pretty sure Katie wasn’t scheduled for the midnight slot on New Year’s Eve, but when had that ever stopped her? “Never say never.” She looked down at her plate, chewing her lip, and moving her food around. She wished she didn’t feel so conflicted.
Katie reached over to take one of her hands. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision.”
“You do?” Maggie looked up at her, searching her face for any sign of a lie. She hadn’t realized how much she needed someone else to tell her this was the right thing to do—how much she’d neededKatieto tell her that. Katie knew her better than anyone. Katie was her family, and, if Maggie was going to start officially distancing herself from her biological family, she needed to know her actual family believed in her.
Katie smiled and nodded. “I do. I mean, I support you not going at all. You can come hang out with me at the hospital all day—though I wouldn’t do that to you. You deserve a happy, relaxed Christmas day. And, in the absence of that, you deserve to make the decision that feels right for you on how long you go back there for.”
“I wouldn’t mind spending it at the hospital with you,” Maggie said, a little shy.
Katie laughed, dropping her hand and returning to her dinner. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re justitchingto spend Christmas in the hospital.”
“Well, it sounds a little more threatening when you say it like that…”
“Oh my god. I don’t mean like that. And you know it.” She threw a cushion at Maggie, carefully avoiding her plate.
Maggie laughed, batting the cushion away, but she couldn’t deny the burn in her stomach at the conversation. She really would rather spend Christmas at the hospital if it meant she got to see Katie. Katie felt like home. Katie felt like love and understanding.
Maybe that was a sign that she really shouldn’t be going back home to her family at all. It was definitely a sign that her crush was getting out of hand. But that didn’t matter. She wasn’t actually going to pitch up at the hospital on Christmas Day. She’d take the flight, go home for two days, put up with the comments about her brief visit with insistences of work keeping her booked, and she’d be back in the city, with Katie, before she knew it.
They ate in silence for a few minutes, watching the movie and enjoying their food, but, when Katie was done and had slipped her plate onto the coffee table, she sat up, looking intently at Maggie.
Maggie swallowed, her whole body coming awake at the intensity of the look.
She pushed her plate onto the table too, working hard to clear her throat without choking. “Yes?”
“I’m proud of you,” she said, her voice sincere and a little deeper than usual.
Maggie’s heart pounded. “Thank you.” She hesitated. “For the food, or…?”
Katie rolled her eyes. Her mood had definitely shifted, but she still looked exhausted. “No. For doing what you want for Christmas, for once.”
“Oh.” Maggie looked down, chewing her lip. She wasn’t really sure what to do with that.
Katie took her hand again. She was always even more tactile than usual when she was tired. “I know it’s not easy, but you’re doing it, and I’m proud of you. I know you want Christmas in the city. I know you want to be here, to see it snow over the city on Christmas evening, and to choose what you do with your day.”
Maggie’s face burned. “How do you know that?”
Maggie didn’t know she’d told anyone about that. It was one of those seemingly impossible wishes that she held in her heart and never let out. How was it possible that Katie knew?
Katie scooted a little closer to her, smiling. “You told me last year. When we celebrated before you flew back to see your family. You were mostly asleep—and had possibly had a little too much champagne—and you told me all about how much you wanted to stay here, see the snow, see the city, see… me.”
Maggie thought she might throw up. “And you never thought to say anything?”
“I’m saying something now.”
