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Chapter Eight
Maggie smiled as she watched her newest potential customers walk around her studio space. It was one of Maggie’s favorite places in the world—an unapologetic space to be exactly who she was and display the things that mattered to her. She heard over and over again from customers who came in that they loved the photos displayed on the walls away from the shooting space. She’d waited all of her life for this, and she treasured every new person she brought into it.
But this time, something was missing.
Of course, she knew what it was. Things had been just a little bit off between her and Katie since their trip to the Christmas tree farm. They were both trying to act like they weren’t, but Maggie was certain they were, and she knew Katie felt the same way.
The clients—a polyamorous family of three—seemed happy, they commented on the pictures to each other, smiled, laughed, and looked relaxed. And all of it felt secondary to the storm that had taken up residence in Maggie’s chest over the last few days.
She wished she could take that one moment back. She didn’t even know how it had happened. Everything had been fine, normal. It had been her, Katie, and a bunch of Christmas trees. It was their favorite time of year. And, all of a sudden, things were loaded and different and tender and intense, and Katie was looking at her in that way Maggie had always wanted her to, and nothing in the world had made sense except that it was her and Katie and that was all the sense she’d ever needed.
And then the moment had burst. In its wake, confusion, embarrassment, shame, and loss had snuck in, accompanied only by the intense need to pretend that everything was fine. They’d finished picking trees, driven home, stopped for dinner, put the trees up, and even decorated them together, all like normal. Except nothing was normal because Maggie knew they’d almost kissed.
And, oh, how she’d wanted to.
No matter how much she tried not to think it, she couldn’t help tormenting herself with the question of why Katie had wanted to too. Because Maggie was certain she had. For one, sparkling moment, Maggie had been absolutely certain of the fact. But, their relationship in the aftermath had been so awkward that Maggie wasn’t sure whether it had only been something she wanted for one moment, or whether it was something she wanted every moment.
She glanced out of the window. The sky looked cold and heavy with snow. Maggie wanted the snow so badly. She needed the city to be a canvas of white, to be fresh and new with the first snow of the season, even if it would be just another reminder of the Christmas tree farm. She wanted to hear that crunch under her boots again. Maybe it would give her the courage to ask Katie about their almost kiss.
“This one’s gorgeous,” someone called to her, shaking her out of her reverie.
She shifted her focus, forcing her usual smile onto her face and registering who was speaking to her.
Her stomach lurched as she walked over to where the three had gathered. Of course it was that one. Of all the pieces displayed around the space, it was the one that got the most compliments. It was the one that was Maggie’s favorite. And it was the hardest one to look at.
Maggie was confident enough to know she was good at her job. She worked to catch the perfect moments, the little and large interactions between people, to capture the love in the world. And she did it well. But, even she had to admit that, when the photographer was in love with the subject, the resulting picture was something more than a little spectacular.
She stood beside the three as they leaned into each other, looking at the photo. With some effort, she looked up at it too.
Katie. Perfect, radiant Katie, laughing and looking at someone off-camera. The lighting, while not studio-perfect, was perfect to Maggie. They’d been at an event with some friends and the edges of the photo, closeup as it was, glowed with the pink and purple blur of neon lights. Katie’s face, perfectly captured by the camera, was cast in that same pinkish hue. The sight of it anywhere took Maggie back to that moment in time, that picture. Almost like she could feel the warm air of the room and the icy blast whenever someone opened the door. Like she could hear Katie’s laugh, see Katie’s smile. Like she wanted to live in that moment forever.
It was the best photo Maggie had ever taken, and she knew exactly why.
The other three looked at her.
“Partner?” one asked.
Maggie’s breath caught like a lump in her throat.Yes.The answer was there, so readily, in her mind, her heart aching to say it, to make it true.
For so long, she’d done a good job of pretending, even to herself, that she wasn’t in love with Katie, and, now, one moment by a Christmas tree was going to ruin it all.
“Um…” She hesitated.
The others laughed and one of them—a white person with a blond undercut—moved to Maggie’s other side.
“Don’t worry,” they said. “We’ve all been there. You have no idea how long it took for Danelis, Austin, and I to get together. It’ll happen.”
Maggie took a step back. “No, no, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”
“Of course you are.”
“We are. She’s my best friend. That’s all.” Maggie’s heart raced. That wasn't all. Not for her, and maybe not for Katie. And that made everything a million times more complicated. The statement had felt like a lie before, but a manageable one. A fairly accurate one. Because, no matter Maggie’s feelings, they had been just friends.
Now, it just felt like a lie. And it was an unmanageable one because she wasn’t so sure why she was still telling it, but she couldn’t not. If she said the truth out loud, would it ruin everything?
“Sweetie,” the blond said, patting her shoulder, “I feel like we just reached inside your soul and pulled this photo out. You’re incredible at your job, and all the photos are amazing, but this one? There’s no lying about it.”
“I…” Maggie didn’t know what she was trying to say, other than that she never should have put that picture on display.
