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“I. Did. Not. Fuck. Her,” he repeats, putting his face right in mine.
I can smell the alcohol on his breath instantly.
“Let me guess, you also haven’t been drinking.” I sneer.
“I saw another man kiss you today. Yeah, I had some drinks. Fucking sue me. That doesn’t equate to sticking my cock in someone else.”
“Doesn’t it?” I arch a brow. “I mean, it would fit your track record, would it not?”
“That’s not fair and you know it.”
“What’s not fair is that you believed the worst in me, and then you think it impossible that I could believe the worst in you when the proof is quite literally inside of your apartment!” My voice shoots up an octave.
“I went to college with Dalia. I ran into her at the bar. And yes, I was so fucked-up over the thought that I had lost you, that I said yes when she suggested we go back to my place. But that’s all that happened. I swear. I never touched her.”
“Then why is she here?”
“I wanted to fuck her.”
“Wow!” I step back, his words like a punch straight to my stomach, knocking the air out of my lungs.
“I wanted to fuck her to prove to myself that I could. Not because of who she is, but because of who she isn’t.” He grabs my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You have your hooks so fucking deep in me that I couldn’t even do that. I knew it before we even walked inside, and as soon as we did, I told her as much. In fact, I broke down rather pathetically. So no, we didn’t fuck. Because there is no one on this earth I want to fuck but you. Do you hear me? You are all I want, Kaia.”
“Then why is shestillhere?” My chin quivers, unshed tears clinging to my lashes as I push his hand away.
I want to believe everything he’s saying so badly that it physically hurts.
“Because she was already here, and I felt like enough of an asshole bringing her home and then turning her down, so I offered to order us some food. Besides, I needed someone to talk to. And that’s all we did. We talked. Mainly about you. I listened to your voicemails. I wanted to call you the instant I did, but I was still pretty drunk, and I wanted to be of sound mind when I told you how truly fucking sorry I am. And I am, Kaia. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I swipe angrily at the tear that manages to escape my eye.
“So you were going to make me wait? Do you have any idea what seeing you drive off did to me? And then to find out you turned off your phone. And you were going to make me wait?” I repeat.
“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad.”
“You think?”
“I’m just... Fuck, I’m not good at this kind of thing. This is all so new to me. I don’t know how to do any of this.”
“Sorry to inconvenience your life. I wasn’t aware I was such a burden.” I hold onto my anger like a lifeline, terrified to let it go.
“Don’t do that.” He takes my hand, refusing to let it go when I try to pull it away. “You are not a burden. You are the light in an otherwise dark room. You are the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night and the very first thing I think of when I awake. You have consumed me so completely that I’m a blubbering mess without you. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see how fucking epically I have fallen for you?”
My heart is in my throat in an instant.
“You need to hear me say it, I will. I love you.” He releases my fingers, his hands finding my face moments later as he dips in closer. “Do you hear me, Kaia? I’m in love with you. I think I’ve known it since the day you ran into me. I would never. I could never hurt you like that. I know I fucked up today, but this, you and me, it’s the only thing in this crazy world that makes any kind of sense to me, and I can’t lose you.”
“I don’t want to do this,” I admit, my voice breaking at the end. He misunderstands, letting his hands fall from my face as he straightens. “I don’t want to be one of those couples that fly off the handle and make everything way worse than it needs to be,” I quickly continue. “I did it with Olivia. You did it with Blake. And now”—I gesture around at nothing in particular—“we can’t keep doing this to each other. If we do, it’s never going to work.”
“Does that mean you still want it to? Work, I mean,” he asks, almost afraid to be hopeful.
“I’m still standing here, aren’t I?” I let out a defeated sigh.
“Well, I mean, technically, I have your keys.” For the first time today, a smile forms on his mouth and my God, if it isn’t like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds after too many dreary days.
I know maybe I shouldn’t let the fact that he used the L word excuse everything that happened today, but how can I not?
If I truly thought he was capable of hurting me this way, then maybe. But deep down, I don’t. Maybe that makes me stupid. Maybe it makes me a stupid, stupid woman who’s only going to get her heart broken in the end.
