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“The best. And I do mean the absolute best. You always hear women complain that everything gets put on them. Getting up in the middle of the night. Diaper changes. All the fun stuff, you know. But Sutton, he’s the first to do it all. When we first brought Rand home, I practically had to force him to hand him over so I could feed him. He was just so in love from the instant they put him in his arms. And with Gracie... My goodness, that girl already has him so wrapped around her little finger... He’s not going to stand a chance when she gets older. And don’t even get me started on Remi.”
The mention of his name has my heart instantly thundering against my ribs, which seems to be the theme of the day.
“What about him?” I try not to sound too eager, though if I’m honest, a big part of the reason I accepted her invitation was for this very reason, to learn more about Remi.
“He’s as bad as Sutton when it comes to the kids, maybe even worse. Who knew that two tiny little humans could have such power over grown men. And Sutton’s parents.” She blows out a breath.
“It must be amazing to know that your children are surrounded by so much love.”
“More than I could ever articulate with words. Growing up, I didn’t have that for myself. I think part of the reason I never wanted kids was because I was terrified of them having even a semblance of the childhood I had. But I know now that will never be the case.” Unshed tears well behind her eyes. “Sorry, my hormones are still all over the place.” She swipes at her cheeks, though no actual tears have fallen.
Even though I want to pry because I’m a curious person by nature, I can see it’s not a topic one might discuss with someone they barely know.
“Don’t apologize,” I say instead. “I feel like I cry at the drop of a hat,” I admit. “Though, mine aren’t happy tears.”
Why I felt the need to clarify that, I don’t know.
“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I mean, I didn’t know my own mother, but my mother-in-law has always been like a mom to me, and I can’t imagine if something ever happened to her.”
“I didn’t think it would be this hard, you know? I’m a grown woman, not a child. I should have better control of my emotions. And while I know it’s normal to be sad, it’s been months and I still feel the pain like it was yesterday.”
I have no idea why I’m telling her any of this. Maybe because it feels good just to admit it out loud to someone who didn’t know my mom or the life I had before she got sick.
“I want to say it gets easier.” Aspen’s voice is soft. “I mean, I don’t have any direct experience with that kind of loss, but I have been through some things in my life that I wasn’t sure at the time I had the strength to survive. I think that little by little, you’ll find your way again. If nothing else, because it’s what your mom would want for you. Given how you talk about her, I can’t imagine she’d want anything less.”
I take a long drink of my cocktail to keep myself from speaking. Mainly because I’m terrified if I open my mouth, if I let myself say the words that hang on my tongue like cement, I’ll dissolve into a puddle of tears, and that’s the last thing I want to do in front of a practical stranger.
But it also doesn’t change the truth behind her words. My mom wouldn’t want this for me. She wouldn’t want me living in my grief the way I have been these past few months. It would likely break her heart to see me this way. No, not likely; itwouldbreak her heart.
It’s strange because I’ve known this all along, but hearing Aspen say it somehow makes it more real.
“Sorry, I took that to a dark place.” I let out a humorless laugh, taking another drink. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Okay.” Aspen nods, understanding in her eyes. “Do you like D.C.?” She repeats part of her earlier question that I realize I never actually answered.
“It’s cold.” I snort, some of the tension in my shoulders starting to ease.
“That it is.” She smiles. “Have you ventured downtown yet?”
“I have not. Though I’ve been meaning to for a while.”
Not untrue. I’ve just never quite gotten the motivation to do it.
“It’s nice. A lot of traffic, but other than that, I really love it there. Sometimes I miss living there. There was always so much to do.”
“You lived there?”
“With Remi. Well, not exactly with Remi. Actually, that’s not true either.” She smiles to herself.
“Okay, I think I’m going to need an explanation on that.” I laugh, thankful for the distraction she just dropped right into my lap.
“So, a little backstory. Remi and I have been best friends since we were thirteen years old. We were inseparable through high school and college, and even shared an apartment for a couple of years after we graduated. Eventually, I did get my own place, but because it was right around the corner from Remi’s, in a lot of ways, it still felt like we lived together.”
“So you two have never...” I give her a look she should understand.
“No.” She shakes her head. “Remi is one of the absolute best people on this planet, but my heart... It belongs to someone else.”
“His brother.” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who she’s talking about. “So were you two always a thing or was that something that developed later in life?”
