AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“He’s actually been pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing.”
“Then how do you know?” I feel silly for even asking the question. This entire conversation feels juvenile at best.
“Because Remi isn’t tight-lipped about anything. He tells me everything, even when I don’t want to know. So when I pressed him after he said you had agreed to have dinner with him, and all he did was smile so wide his face was at risk of splitting apart, it told me everything I needed to know.”
“Which is what?”
“That he really likes you.”
“He doesn’t even know me,” I disagree, trying to tamper my excitement with a strong dose of reality.
“And you don’t know him, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like him,” she says matter-of-factly. “I know Remi can come on kind of strong sometimes, but I promise you, there isn’t a person on this planet with a better heart than his.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Is it weird that I feel guilty?” I’m almost embarrassed to ask the question, but at the same time, I don’t have anyone else to ask outside of my aunt, and I already know she’s just going to tell me what she thinks I want to hear. But Aspen, she’s shot me pretty straight up to this point.
“Are you talking about your mom?” Her voice softens. Not able to fully explain it in words, I simply nod. “I think that when we move on, no matter what we’re moving on from, there is a level of guilt that we feel, sure.”
I want to tell her it’s notjustmy mom, but Blake feels like a conversation I’m not ready to have yet. At least not with Aspen.
It just feels wrong to be this excited and attracted to another man when I know he’s in California, waiting for me to call him and say I’m ready to come home. I never doubted his love for me, and I have zero doubts that he truly is holding out hope that I’ll come back. Which is why it feels like such a betrayal.
But I don’t want to go back.
It may not be over for him, but it was over for me a long time ago. It just took losing my mom to see that what we had wasn’t enough, no matter how badly I wished it were.
“It is okay to move on, though,” Aspen continues. “One day at a time. Hell, one minute at a time if that’s what you need. Just don’t let your grief stop you from chasing happiness. Your mom would have wanted that for you—happiness.”
“I know.” I nod slowly, wishing I could articulate with words the pain, regret, and guilt that make me feel like there’s a permanent boulder sitting on my shoulders.
I know it’s a normal part of the grieving process. I just wish knowing it made the weight easier to carry.
But Saturday, with Remi, it was nowhere to be found. I felt lighter than I had in months, hell, maybe even years. So light that had he not been holding me when we kissed, I might have been at risk of floating away. And as much as my pain restrains me, I’m desperate to chase relief just the same.
And Remi is that in spades. Like a soothing balm to the gaping wound that is my heart. And for no other reason than for who he is. His smile. His laugh. The way he looked at me that night. I’ve thought of very little else over the last three days.
“Do you know where you guys are going yet?” I’m grateful for the change in subject, even though I’m the one who brought up the previous.
“No idea. He said he’d pick me up at seven, though now that I’m thinking about it, he doesn’t even have my address.” I think aloud.
“Actually...” She gives me an apologetic smile. “Sorry, it just kind of came up at Sunday dinner. I was telling him how I couldn’t believe you lived so close.”
“Sunday dinner? Saturday wasn’t enough for you guys?”
“We all get together every Sunday for dinner. Well, most Sundays. Me, Sutton, the kids, Remi, Summer, and Randel. It’s the one day of the week that we all sit down and catch up on everything.”
I don’t ask who Summer and Randel are, assuming they’re Sutton and Remi’s parents.
“That’s really nice that you do that.”
“It is. They used to do it when the guys were teenagers. It was the only time Summer and Randel could get them in the same room, and when Sutton and I had kids, we took over the tradition.” She smiles to herself. “Speaking of Remi’s parents, you should have seen how excited they were when Remi said he was going on a date.”
“Wait, he told his parents?” I’m pretty certain every ounce of color drains from my face. At least, that’s how it feels.
“He kind of told everyone at Sunday dinner. Guess maybe I should have led with that instead of saying he just told me.” She gives me an apologetic smile. “But don’t worry, it’s not like we had some big conversation about you. Like I said, Remi is being tight-lipped about the whole thing.”
