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Tears sting the backs of my eyes.
A friend came to town and wants to meet for drinks... Yeah, okay. Seems more like he wanted to stick his dick in someone else tonight and gave me the most generic freaking blow-off he could come up with.
My knuckles are ghost-white as I grip the steering wheel with all my might, willing myself not to cry. A man who would do me this way doesn’t deserve my tears. Doesn’t make holding them in any easier unfortunately, and it’s only a matter of seconds before the first one falls.
God, how stupid am I?
I grab my phone, pulling up my mom’s number, crying harder when I realize that no matter how many times I call it, she won’t answer. The only person I want to talk to, the only person who would listen and comfort me with zero judgment, the only person who loved me unconditionally, and she isn’t here anymore.
Dropping my face into my hands, sobs rack my shoulders as the last few months fully catch up to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grieved. I’ve grieved so hard I didn’t think I would ever stop. But I’ve never fully let myself just let it go.
So, in the middle of a parking lot, across from the apartment of a man who used me and lied to me, I open the floodgates and let it all pour out.
Every emotion.
Every ounce of pain.
The loss of my mother.
The loss of my life.
The loss of a man I agreed to marry...
If he could see me now. I’m sure he would get great satisfaction in knowing that I ran so far and fast from him that I wound up in the arms of a man who only wanted one thing.
I was so sure, though...
The way Remi spoke to me. The way he treated me. The lengths he went to... Did he really do all that just to fuck me? It seems inconceivable, and yet, the truth just hit me in the face like a boulder falling from the sky.
I can make excuses all I want. I saw what I saw, and there is no unseeing it.
I don’t know how long I sit here, only that when I finally put my car back in gear and back out of that parking lot, my entire body aches and my eyes hurt so badly, I can only imagine what they look like. Not that any of that matters.
All I want to do is go home, curl up under my blankets, and forget this entire thing ever happened.
Only something tells me Remi is not someone so easily forgotten.
Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try like hell to do just that.
Remi:Why aren’t you texting me back?
Remi:Did I do something wrong?
Remi:Can you at least let me know you’re okay?
I scroll through the dozens of messages Remi has left me today, not bothering to answer a single one.
Dropping my phone down onto my desk, I scrub my hands over my face, glad the day is almost over. I didn’t sleep well last night, for obvious reasons, and I am definitely feeling it today.
I’m still really sad over everything, but more than anything, I’m embarrassed that I fell for his whole spiel so easily. Or that he thinks I’m too stupid to have figured it out, which is why he keeps texting me like he didn’t just use me and lie to me. Guess he figured he’d try to get in a few more rounds before he finally went in for the K.O.
I had planned on staying until five to catch up on some files, but I honestly don’t think I have it in me to stay another minute.
It was easier when I had appointments to fill my time and occupy my mind, but now, just sitting here, it’s driving me crazy.
The only saving grace to this horrible day is that Aspen isn’t here. I wonder how she’ll react when she learns what Remi did. Will she try to defend him? Will she be angry with him? Will she take his side?
I shake my head.
