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Pretty far, it would seem.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, he wasn’t home from work yet, so after getting in some squeezes with my favorite little people, I decided to stop by my parents’ house instead. I mean, since I’m already in the area and all.
And no, before you ask, it isn’t lost on me that Kaia’s aunt’s house is just around the corner and she’s likely there right now. And again, before you ask, yes, it is killing me not to just show up there like I so desperately want to.
I’m trying to hold onto a semblance of my manly pride over here...
“Not because you’re not arguably the best parents in the world,” I finally say. Not an understatement by the way. My parents really are the best. “But because it’s too soon.”
“Too soon for whom?”
I think about her question for a long moment.
It’s a valid question.
Because as twisted up as I am over Kaia, a part of me isn’t sure I’m ready to take that kind of step yet. Everything is still so new and well, I’ve never taken a woman home to meet my parents... Like, ever. I need to be sure before I do. And not for them, but for myself.
This is where talking to Sutton would have maybe helped. He has been through this himself, after all. Though his experience was a little less conventional than mine. As in he stole Aspen right out from underneath me and hid her from everyone for months. But alas, that is no longer the point.
“You know,” Mom continues without waiting for me to answer one way or the other. “I imagine it’s probably pretty scary to open up to another woman after what happened with Aspen.”
“Mom,” I cut her off, not wanting to go there.
“What? You were heartbroken over everything that transpired between her and your brother. And while I know you’re happy for them now, that wasn’t always the case.”
I stare back into eyes that look so much like my brother’s it’s uncanny.
Where I look like my father, Sutton is a hundred percent my mother. Same dark hair. Same mannerisms. Same stark blue eyes. It’s funny how two people can produce children who look so much like one parent and nothing like the other.
“What happened with Sutton and Pen is a thing of the past. I don’t even think about that anymore. It feels like someone else’s life. I can’t even imagine a world where they aren’t together.”
It’s true, of course, all but the not thinking about it part. I do, in fact, think about it, but not because I’m in love with Aspen—she’s my best friend for forever and nothing more—but because of the lesson it taught me.
“We all feel that way. Of course we do. But you did love her, Remi. For nearly half your life, you loved her. And then you lost her. No matter how happy you are for her now, something like that changes a person.”
That it does.
Because there will never be a time that I won’t remember exactly how it felt. I’m pretty sure that shit is etched into my fucking soul. Even if I truly believe that Aspen ended up with who she was always meant to be with, it doesn’t mean I didn’t have a hard time accepting it as such at the time. But I meant it when I said that I can’t imagine a world where she and my brother aren’t together. I truly can’t. If there is such a thing as soul mates, Sutton and Aspen are definitely that. Perfect for each other in a way I didn’t know was possible.
“Can we please not?” I pick up the turkey sandwich off my plate and tear off a too-big bite between my teeth. The last thing I want to do is dive down the rabbit hole that is my brother’s love life... for the millionth time.
“Okay.” She nods softly. “I’m just going to say one more thing, and you won’t hear another peep out of me on the subject.”
“Mom.” I let out a frustrated groan around a mouthful of food.
“Don’t assume that just because Aspen chose someone else, that every other woman will too. I know you, Remi. You hide behind an easy smile and carefree attitude, but I know you feel more deeply than most. You just don’t show that side of you easily.”
“Do you have a point? Because if you do, can you please make it so we can talk about something else?” I drop the sandwich back onto the plate.
“If you find someone worth loving, love them fully and completely without apology.”
“I barely know Kaia, Mom. I think it’s a little early to be talking about love.”
“I know. I know. I just want you to be open to it should your feelings develop further. With her or someone else. Just promise me when it comes along, you’ll hold onto it with everything that you have. It truly is the most beautiful gift this life can bestow on a person.”
“You need to stop reading your romance novels. I’m pretty sure they’re rotting your brain.” I laugh to hide the uneasiness this conversation has stirred in my gut.
Not because I’m afraid to love Kaia. But because deep down I’m afraid I already do.
