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Chapter Fourteen
Remi
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“Can I ask you something?” Kaia surprises me by asking, her face pressed to my bare chest as we lie in bed, our legs tangled together.
“Anything.” My fingers move lazily through her hair, exhaustion making my eyelids feel heavy.
It has to be at least two in the morning, and truth be told, I thought she was asleep until about ten seconds ago.
“Do you still love her?”
Confusion is the first thing I feel, my tired brain not able to fully process who the hell she’s talking about or why.
“Who?”
“Aspen.”
Realization replaces confusion, and suddenly, I’m wide awake.
“Why would you ask me that?” I ask in lieu of an answer.
“Aspen told me... She told me about what happened when you found out about her and Sutton. About how you admitted to being in love with her and how hard them being together was on you.”
Anger slides through my chest.
I’m not angry at Kaia for asking. Of course I’m not. I am, however, angry with my best friend for telling her something she had no right to tell her. Not that I’m ashamed of it, but I should have been the one to tell her, not Pen.
“I see.” I swallow, my throat suddenly fucking bone-dry.
“I’m not upset, if that’s what you’re thinking.” She shifts, her face tilting up to look at me in the dim light that spills in from the open bathroom door. “I just want to know if you still love her. It’s okay if you do.”
“Is it?” My anger morphs into uncertainty.
How can she say that? If I thought there was even a chance she had feelings for someone else, I’d be burning the fucking world to the ground. And yet here she is, as calm and cool as if we were talking about the weather, telling me it’s okay?
What happened to the woman who looked seconds away from punching me in the face when she thought I fucked someone?
Now she’s telling me it’s okay if I love someone else?
“I just mean, I know you can’t help how you feel. But if you do, I’d rather you tell me now so I know.”
“Kaia...” I roll to my side so that I can face her fully, my hand sliding around her side to pull her close. “I do not love her,” I tell her, our noses practically touching. “I’m not sure I ever really did. I mean, I thought I did, but now...”
“Now?” I can hear the hitch of her breath.
“Aspen is my best friend. I love her. I always have and I always will. But not like that. Maybe I thought I did once upon a time, but not now... I know now that I was never truly in love with her. I was just scared of losing her, so I convinced myself I was because I thought maybe then things wouldn’t change.”
“How can you be so sure?” she all but whispers.
“Because she never made me feel like this,” I admit without apology.
It’s the truth. Even when Aspen was trying to convince herself she could love me that way and I was desperate to let her, I never felt this... This undeniable pull to another person.
Aspen once described how Sutton made her feel. Like the earth stopped spinning when he entered a room. Suddenly, I know exactly what she meant.
