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“Because I think you might be right,” I finally admit, glancing down at the table rather than looking in her eyes. “I think I might love him.”
“Well, of course you do.” Her smile lights up her entire face, and I struggle to remember the last time I saw her smile so effortlessly.
“The way he speaks to me. The way he finds any excuse to touch me or hold me. It’s hard to be near him and not think that maybe he loves me too.”
“Kaia, I knew that man loved you when he walked in here and faced my wrath after the misunderstanding with that friend of his.”
“Olivia.”
“Her name is irrelevant.” She shakes her head. “My point is, he went out of his way to make things right. A man who doesn’t care about a woman doesn’t go out of his way to do anything, much less where her family is involved.”
“And that’s what you’re going on?” I arch a brow, not sure that’s convincing enough to make her so sure he’s in love with me.
“What I’m going on is the way I’ve watched him stare at you. Like he can’t bear to tear his eyes away from you for a single moment because he’s afraid you might disappear. It reminded me of how your uncle used to look at me. Like I was his whole world.”
“You were his whole world.”
“You’re right, I was. Just as he was mine.”
“I can’t imagine how much you must miss him.”
“It’s like missing a part of my very soul.” A sad smile tugs at her lips. “But I get through each day knowing that one day we will meet again. And when that time comes, and I can hold him in my arms once more, I will do so without having a single regret of the time we spent on this earth together.” Unshed tears fill her eyes. “If losing him, if losing your mother, has taught us anything, it’s that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. We owe it to them, to ourselves, to live each day we’re given to the fullest. To be fearless. To be happy. And most importantly, to embrace love when it comes into our lives.”
“I’m scared,” I admit, my real hesitation boiling to the surface. “Mom lost Dad. You lost Nick. We lost Mom. What if we’re cursed to lose those that we love?” My chin quivers with emotion.
“Oh, honey.” She’s on her feet in an instant, quickly moving to sit in the chair next to mine, taking my hands in hers. “Losing the ones you love, it’s part of life. You can’t control when you lose someone or how long you get to have with them. The only thing you can do is love them with everything you have while they’re here.”
I sniff, fighting back my own tears as two spill in quick succession down Yiya’s cheeks.
“I can see it in your eyes, how deeply you feel for this man. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to worry. Just don’t let that fear keep you from embracing how you feel. You can tell yourself that walking away would be easier, and maybe you’d be right, but you’d regret it, of that I have no doubt.”
I nod, not sure I have the ability to fully form words at the moment. Because she’s right. Deep down, I know that.
Because this... The way I feel about Remi. This is what it’s supposed to feel like. Like you’re being stretched apart in so many directions that you’re sure you’ll rip apart at any moment, and yet, you never want the feeling to end.
“And I know a part of you feels guilty for moving on with your life after your mother... But, Kaia, she’s still here.” She squeezes my hands. “She’s everywhere you are. You are an extension of her. Of her soul. Of her heart. Carry it proudly. And know that she’s looking down on you, smiling as she watches you fall in love the way she did with your father so many years ago.”
I open and close my eyes rapidly, trying to blink away the tears that cling to my lashes.
“Thank you, Yiya.” I release her hands, throwing my arms around her neck. “Thank you for everything,” I speak into her neck, squeezing her impossibly tight.
“You don’t have to thank me for loving you. I’ve been doing that since before you were born.” She hugs me back just as fiercely.
I don’t know how long we stay like that, only that when I finally let her go, my cheeks are stained with tears and I’ve ruined the little bit of makeup I put on, having to reapply before rushing out of the house a few minutes later, likely going to be late for work.
Weirdly, though, I don’t care.
I needed this morning.
I needed Yiya’s reassurance more than I thought possible.
And as I walk out of her house, the sun kissing my skin, warming me from the inside out despite the cold temperatures, I feel lighter than I have in a very long time. Maybe ever.
I may have lost a lot in my twenty-seven years on this earth, but I’ve also been loved more than most people have in their entire lifetimes. It’s time I start honoring what I have instead of wallowing in what I’ve lost.
“Aspen, are you okay?” I rap my knuckles against the bathroom stall she’s currently inside, puking her guts out by the sound of it.
I wasn’t going to say anything, but given that I’ve used the facilities and washed my hands, and she’s still in there heaving, I thought maybe it’s best to check on her.
