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Then, he whispers, “That is it, isn’t it.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I mutter.
“Fuck, Nolan. You’re not a bad guy. You’re not gonna get in trouble for pursuing a younger guy. He was eighteen.”
And so, so fucking innocent.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I duck my head. “What if he hates me? What if I…what if I fucked him up beyond repair? What if he’s…lying dead in a ditch somewhere, and it’s not because I didn’t tell him how I feel or fight for him, but because he realized I-I—”
Hal kicks me in the shin, and I still.
When I glance up, I find him scowling. “You don’t know any of that. That’s your worst fears playing out for you, and calling all the shots.” He blows out a breath, shaking his head. “You have no idea what’s going on in his head, so stop living your life like you do.”
“But—”
“No buts. This is what you’re going to do, okay?” He leans forward, dropping the fork to clasp his hands on the edge of the table. “You’re going to call your therapist after this. You’re gonna tell him what you told me. He’ll probably have better advice for you than I ever could.”
I huff a quiet laugh, shaking my head. Hal’s blunt and brash at times—even a little rude—but it’s half the reason why I appreciate it. There’s no bullshitting.
And yeah, it doesn’t escape me that Skyler pretty much said the same thing about me once.
He needed this kind of tough, honest love too…
“You are gonna live your life—no, scratch that, you’re gonna work for the life youwant.Not the one you currently have, because you aren’t happy with this one, and you know it. It’s been over three years. It’s time to move on.”
I nod, knowing he’s referring to what happened with Abby.
“And Skyler?” I whisper, unable to help myself.
He blows out a breath and shakes his head. “That’s out of your control. But what is in your control, is your role in your daughter’s life. Start with that maybe. And find something you enjoy for the sake of enjoying. Something foryou.Something good to fill your cup for once, instead of overfilling it with shit.”
I cough, rubbing my chest. I appreciate him not telling me to move on from him. He knows it’s not always that easy. Hell, his wife died five years ago, and while he’ll joke about going on dates and getting laid, we both know he’s a long, long way’s away from that.
“Some loves come and go,”he’d told me once, rolling the gold band around his finger, gaze far-off in memory.“And some sink their teeth into you. Never let up. Physically, they’re gone, but their ghost lives on in us.”
Setting my fork down, I grab my coffee and take a big gulp, washing away the emotion. Just as Hal goes to open his mouth and say something, the bell rings above the door behind us, and I hear a familiar squeal.
“Daddy!”
Turning my head, I find a streak of brown curls gunning for me. My gaze lifts, colliding with Mel’s bright blue eyes just as Abby all but throws herself into the booth with me.
“Fancy seeing you here,” she says.
I press a kiss to Abby’s head, as she babbles on about what they’ve been up to today. I catch something about new shoes and doctor…
“Everything okay?” I ask, when Mel stops over, nodding and exchanging hellos with Hal.
“Yep, just her annual check-up.” She smiles down at our daughter, and says, “Come on, Abs. Daddy’s meeting with a friend right now. We’ll see them after we get some lunch in you.”
“But Mom, can’t we—”
Hal says nothing, but I feel him watching me, waiting for me to do something…like invite them to sit with us.
Throat thick, I force a smile down at my daughter. Her big green eyes peer up at me, and I brush her hair back off her face.
“I’ll see you after you’re done eating, okay?” I whisper.
Mel says nothing, and when Abby hugs me and our gazes connect once more, she smiles sadly back at me.
