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My jaw clenches, emotion rushing the back of my eyes.
“But it’s okay. Okay?”
Forcing a hard swallow, I nod. “I…I didn’t think you…”
“I told you. I know you.” She pauses. “As happy and relieved as you were to see Abby, I didn’t miss the way you looked when shewasn’taround. At first I did think it was…well, guilt.”
I nod. “It was.”
She frowns.
I wave a hand. “For everything. Abby. You.” A long beat passes. “Sky,” I croak.
Fuck.
Hearing Mel say his name is surreal to say the least. It’s like my life was torn into two—my world split between this life, the one with Mel and Abby, and the one I had briefly on the island with Skyler.
It didn’t always feel so taboo, the idea of Mel knowing about him.
When I first got out of rehab, I was so focused on doing whatever I needed to do to keep Abby in my life, that telling her was just not even an option. All I cared about was being able to see my daughter, and gaining Mel’s trust back so that I couldcontinueseeing her.
But then, as more time passed by, and the memories from the island started to fade, and a new normal set in where I didn’t reach for Skyler every time I woke up…
Well, I just didn’t see the point in opening that can of worms. Not with anyone, except for my sponsor and therapist. It’s just less…personal, with them.
The truth is, I have no idea how Mel would react to the fact that I not only…fuck,fellfor another person, so quickly after we split…
But I fell for aman.
A man who happens to be fourteen years younger than me. Barely eighteen at the time.
Hell, just calling him a man feels…wrong, when he was still so young. Legal, yes, butyoung.And calling him a kid is just flat out sick, so yeah.
Clearly my head’s still a bit of a fucking mess about that, though since my talk with Hal back in June, I’ve been trying to be a little more gentle with myself.
Still, though, if anything, the more time it’s been since Black Diamond, the more guilty and ashamed I feel when I think about it.
So these days, I try to just…not.
I can’t even fucking imagine what Mel would say, or do if I told her the truth about all this. No, I don’t think she’d care if she knew I was bi. Logically, I know she wouldn’t. But the age thing…
God, I can only imagine what her parents would say. What poison they’d feed into her mind to try to get me out of Abby’s life once and for all. Because while Mel’s forgiven me for what happened—as much as she’s capable of—her parents…
They’re a bit harder to read. Half the time I think they would’ve just preferred it had I gone the coward’s way and abandoned Abby altogether, rather than fight to stay in her life.Boththeir lives.
“Nolan.”
I blink up at Mel.
“Breathe.”
Releasing a long gust of air, I hang my head, scrubbing my hands over the back of my neck, tugging at my hair. “Fuck.”
“She really messed you up, huh?” she says in a tone I can’t quite make out. She doesn’t sound upset though. Just curious, if anything.
He,I want to say.Hereally messed me up.
Though, really, if anyone messed up anyone here, it’s me.
