Page 194 of Exiled


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Swallowing tightly, I nod.

“It wasn’t just you.”

I sit up a little straighter at that.

“I didn’t see it then—the distance. The… strain. I felt it, I think, but I wouldn’t let myself acknowledge it. I couldn’t. I wanted to love you like I loved you when we were kids.”

Eyes burning, I nod and whisper. “Me too.”

“But we grew up.”

“We did.”

“And not…not together.”

I slide my eyes shut.

“I was so lonely, and I didn’t even see it.”

“Me too,” I admit.

“Yeah, I see that too now.” She inhales deeply, then, “So why didn’t you go after her? Why didn’t you try to…make it work?”

Him.

Sniffing, I shrug. “I did.”

“What?”

“I mean, I tried,” I clarify vaguely, not feeling like rehashing all the details. Not when all that it’s left me with are more questions than answers, and a giant gaping pit in my stomach. Not when it’s a partial lie.

I didn’t go after him to make it work. I just hired a PI to basically check in periodically and keep tabs on him. Like a fucking stalker.

Still, not a very good stalker it would seem, seeing as Skyler all but disappeared without a trace around one year after Black Diamond.

A quiet moment passes, then, “I’m so sorry, Nolan.”

“It is what it is.”

“You don’t seem very happy about it.”

Realizing I’ve got my face bunched into a scowl, I groan, running my hands down my face.Obviously, I’m not fucking happy about this.

She chuckles knowingly. “Yeah, see, that right there. Not once have Ievergotten that look. Even back when we were dating, you were always so laid back. It was infuriating.”

I drop my hands to the counter with a light smack. “I’m sor—”

“I’m not saying it to be cruel, or for sympathy. I’m not mad. I promise. You know why?”

“Why?”

She tilts her head, lips twisted into a small smile. “Because I have Vance, and that’s exactly how he looks when another man comes near me.”

She laughs and I feel something loosen in my chest at the sound.

“I get it, Nolan,” she says slowly, sobering, ensuring I hear every syllable. “Trust me, I get it. I might’ve not when you first came back, had we had this conversation then when everything was still so raw, but now? Knowing what it’s like to be with a man who would burn down the whole world to keep me?” She smirks. “I get it.”

A hard lump forms in my throat, so I reach down for my coffee and take a sip. It’s cooled down some, so I throw down nearly half the mug in one go.

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