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I shrug. “Up until tonight, no one knew. Except for you of course.”
“Oh.” A beat passes, then, “Why not?”
I swallow thickly, lifting a shoulder. “It just never felt like the right time. And…to be honest, talking about you…making it real…” My eyes crease when I look up at him, searching his face. “I’m very protective of you, Skyler—of this, I mean. My feelings. What we have here. And bringing you up, shining light on those weeks we shared…revisiting the pain of leaving you…”
His eyes well, and he nods like he gets it.
“I know Mel probably won’t care, that she’d support me. But…on the off-chance shedidn’t…”
“You worry she’ll take Abby away from you.”
All I can do is nod.
He exhales slowly, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling.
“Not only that,” I whisper, “but it would…taint what we had. You and me.”
He frowns, clearly not understanding.
“It already hurt, being away from you. The idea of someone condemning it on top of that…punishing me for it, making me feel bad for what I felt—for what Ifeelfor you…” I shake my head.
“Nolan,” he murmurs.
“Agony, shame, disgust…I don’t want any of that to touch this.”
He nods.
“Which is why I’m a fucking hypocrite, right?” Apparently only I’m the one allowed to ruin this.
“Maybe a little,” he says bluntly. “But your fears…they’re completely valid.” He sweeps his gaze over my face, a look of concentration pulling his features taut. “The idea of someone twisting this into something bad?” He shakes his head, clearly at a loss for words
“Exactly.”
“Which is why it hurts so much when you tell me this is wrong,” he says quietly. “Aside from it being condescending—infantilizing even—it just…it feels like shit, Nolan. Like there’s something wrong withme.Like I’m not good enough for you, or like you’re…ashamed—
Wincing, I shake my head. “I deserve that.”
“So stop.”
I huff a short laugh. “Just like that?”
He levels me with a firm look. “Yeah. Because I won’t put up with it.”
I study him more closely. “You’re different.”
He shrugs. “Maybe a little.” He smiles ruefully. “I’m older now.”
A small, sad smile pulls at my mouth. “No…no, it’s more than that.”
His grin mirrors mine, and he nods, knowing exactly what I mean without having to spell it out.
“I hate that you lived in a car.”
He rolls his eyes. “It was only for about a month.”
Groaning, I slide my eyes shut. “Jesus fucking Christ.”
“Get over it.”
