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“The look Abby gets when I catch her doing something she’s not supposed to.”
I make a face at that.
“Oh don’t pout. Spill it.”
Fucking hell.I really didn’t want to do this on Christmas Eve of all days, but I don’t want to lie, and I’ve already lied by omission long enough. What difference does it make if I tell her on any ol’ day of the year, or on a holiday?
The chips will fall where they fall, and I’ll just have to deal.
Please let her be okay with this.
So, sliding my eyes closed, I nod, and begin to say, “Okay, so here’s the thing. I—”
Ding-dong!
AnnnndI’m literally saved by the bell.
Abby squeals from the living room at the sound of the doorbell. “I’ll get it!” she sing-songs loudly.
My eyes fly open, mirroring Mel’s wide ones. All thoughts of me coming out to her forgotten, we both turn toward the arched doorway at the same time. “NO!”
Abby giggles loudly in that way that tells us she was just messing with us.
Mel slumps, and I roll my eyes. “I’ll get it,” I tell her, stepping around her.
It’s Mel’s parents, and chaos ensues from there. Abby screams, “Nana!” and runs over. Tim messes her hair, then reaches for my hand, wishing me a Merry Christmas, while Abby drags Vicky away who knows where.
“How’s it going, Tim?” I say, clasping our joined hands.
He nods, eyes hard—cold even—as always, but his hand is warm and strong in mine. “Good, you?”
I release him, stepping back. “Good.”
But would it still be good if he knew…
While we’ve come a long way since what happened three years ago, it’s still a little tense at times. I can’t blame them. They don’t trust me, and for good fucking reason.
But Mel’s been insistent from the start that we forgive and find a way to coexist. For Abby’s sake. And secretly, I think, for Mel’s too.
“He’s my best friend,”I remember overhearing her tell her dad one night. She and Abby were still living in their house at the time, and I had just gotten back from rehab, and was still living in their guesthouse.
They were arguing in his study, and I happened to be passing by on my way to say goodnight to Abby.
I didn’t mean to pause and eavesdrop, but Vicky was there too, in the hall, and spotted me, holding her finger to her lips. She nodded, gesturing to the door almost like shewantedme to hear what’s going on.
“I know this isn’t what you imagined for us. But that’s life. What happened, happened, and there’s no going back.”A weighted moment passed, then,“Daddy. He loves Abby. He loves me. It’s different now, but I think…I think it could be stronger this way. I think we could all be stronger this way.”
At the time, I didn’t understand what she meant.
Overcome with emotion I barely understood, I shook my head, and bypassed Vicky to go see my daughter. With her, at least things made sense. It’s everything outside of her that didn’t.
But that was back then, and this is now, and now I…
I get it.
We’re stronger now.
All of us.
