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“Next year,” I tell him strongly. “We’ll start fresh. It’s just…bad timing right now. We’ll get it right.”
He shakes his head, brow furrowed. “I don’t know whether to be grateful or mad at you right now.”
My face scrunches. “Mad?”
“For being so understanding about this.”
“If it helps, the idea of Mel not being okay with this scares me. And now to add your ex-in-laws into the mix…” I tip my head side to side. “Yeah, I’m okay with waiting a few days.”Or forever.
It’s not that I particularly like being a secret…
But it does have its perks, what with so very few people being in on it. It’s like we’re in a bubble, where no one can touch us. Taint us—taint this. It reminds me of our time together on the island. Where it was just us against the world. It felt safe.
While I’ve come a long way since Canaan with accepting myself, and being out—even more so since working at Lola’s—it’s not like the trauma of what I’ve been through doesn’t still live inside me.
It changed me, and not always in ways that are obvious.
It shows up often when I least expect it, stealing my voice, maybe even stealing my air. It merges with the storms, creating a tornado out of a thunderstorm when I least expect it.
Nolan squeezes my hand, and nods. “Okay. A few days then. Mel’s already figured out that I’m seeing someone, so—”
“And she’s not…mad, or-or—” I interrupt, stuttering through my words.
“No. No, she’s happy for me.”
I stare at his chin. “Really?” I say quietly.
He cocks his head.
Then, reaching up, he rakes his fingers through my hair, shoving it back to clasp a hand around my skull. But he doesn’t force me to meet his gaze, which has a small smile twitching along my lips. He just holds my head there, cradling it like it’s something precious. Like he can’t not touch me.
He gets me.
It’s something I’ve noticed in the last couple weeks since we reunited—the way he respects my need for…space, autonomy, whatever you want to call it…
And he meets me on my level, without making a big deal of it.
He’s still pushy, and assertive—stillNolan—but he’s far more cognizant of the little things now, and rather than give up and cast me off like so many others before him, he just rolls with it. He knows when to push, and when to back off.
Perhaps it’s just because we’re more comfortable with each other now. And he knows better now. He knows I’m not avoiding his gaze to be rude, or because I’m hiding anything or being dodgy.
And I know I can look away if it’s too much for me without worrying that I’m hurting his feelings or being weird.
And that lack of pressure to conform and impress is…nice. I’ve never felt so free to just…not care and be me before. I don’t have to beon.
“Does it bother you that I’m close with her?” he asks softly, pulling me from my thoughts.
I blink a couple times, considering my answer. “No…no, I don’t think so,” I tell him honestly. “She has a boyfriend, so that helps. And you have me…” I don’t know why it sounds like a question, by the time my voice trails off.
Nolan chuckles. “You wound me. Of course you have me. I love you, remember?”
I’m about to gnaw on my lip, but stop myself at the last second. Instead I reach out, and draw hearts on his thigh, some of the tightness in my chest easing when his breath catches, and his softened cock twitches near my fingers.
I smile faintly. “I guess it’s more so that I want her to… like me,” I admit, my voice finishing out small and barely audible.
“Sky, she’s gonna love you. You’re really fucking hard not to love, trust me,” he says gruffly.
My eyes sting, and I shrug, digging my nail into his skin. “Yeah, but you share a kid. And what if I’m…no good for her? Like, what if I’m a bad role model in her life?” I shake my head, and his fingers add pressure to my scalp in a way that’s comforting. “Mel won’t like me too much then.”You might not either,I think, but refrain from saying out loud.
