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Pressing one last kiss to Abby’s head, I push up off the floor, my knees protesting from kneeling on the hard vinyl flooring. I round the bed, and take Mel’s shoulders in my hands, bringing her in for a hug.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“But it was,” she chokes out, burying a sob in my chest.
My eyes fall shut. “It was an oversight. An accident.”
“And she could’ve died!” she wails, her voice muffled by my shirt.
I still, and a second later she does too, as if we’re both remembering this is not the first time we got so fucking lucky.
Sniffing, Mel pulls back, tipping her head back. Watery blue eyes meet mine. “I’m so sorry.”
I frown. “Mel—”
“I punished you for so long…” She shakes her head. “And-and look what happened. Onmywatch.” Her face scrunches, breaking. “I told myself she was safer with me.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Mel,” I grit out, shaking my head. “That was completely different, and you know it. Thatwasme being neglectful. I was drunk.”
“And how is this not me being neglectful?” she says sharply, but still keeping her voice hushed enough so as not to disturb Abby. Not that anything would probably wake her right now.
Taking a step back, she brings her fingers to her lips like she’s praying.
“Mel…” I say gently.
“I’m so scared.”
“I know. Me too.”
“I feel like I-I don’t deserve to be around her, like-like I can’t be trusted.”
Staring at her solemnly, all I can do is nod. What the hell can I even say to that, when it’s exactly how I’ve felt for the last four years?
The circumstances that led to this are leagues away from the ones that led her to almost drowning in a pool when she was one years old. But what does it really matter, when the outcome would be the same either way?
An outcome I can’t even fucking fathom to consider.
“Did I ever tell you how fucking grateful I am to share a child with you?”
Her eyes widen, glassy, and so, so blue.
I smile ruefully. “What you did—the hoops you made me go through—after what happened, what I did…” I shake my head. “I didn’t…see it then, but I do now. I was unfair to you. So angry and resentful, that I…I couldn’t see howrightyou were. How strong you had to be.”
Her mouth tightens, jaw quivering. Fresh tears cling to her lashes.
“I’m sorry if I never said that before, but I’m saying it now.” I search her face. “You put our daughter first. You’ve always put her first. And not every parent could say the same. Not every parent could do what you had to do.”
Her eyes fall shut, a single tear skating down her cheek.
I approach her, and press a kiss to her forehead. “There is no one I trust more with our child than you.”
“E-even now?”
“Even now.”
We move apart and she nods, casting our sleeping daughter a long, pained look. “Oh God, Vance…I should…”
Jesus. Skyler. I just left him out there.
