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He looks somewhere off behind me, and I rub circles on his back, redirecting my attention to the lawn.
Skyler plops down on his ass and crosses his legs. Despite it being warm out, he’s in black jeans, and a loose gray v-neck. But he’s barefoot, grass and dirt staining his bare feet. He nods, and Abby holds the giant blue water balloon over his head.
My eyes widen, and Mel chuckles. “Ah, payback I see.”
Payback he asked for.
Now I get why they were so deep into conversation. Abby’s nothing if not intensely considerate of his sensory issues. When she was younger, she was more curious than anything, asking questions—What about this? Does this hurt? How about this?
Now at eleven years old, she just worries she’ll hurt him in some way.
It’s funny, because if I tiptoed around him as much as she did, he wouldn’t hesitate to smack me upside the head. Or on the ass. He likes doing that. He likes it even better when I retaliate.
And if anyone else outside our family treated him like glass, he’d scowl and stew about it all day.
But Abby…
I don’t know. I don’t always understand their relationship. It’s very uniquely theirs, that sometimes I can’t help but feel envious. Not always, but sometimes. It’s so much more than a father-daughter bond. They’re best friends in every way.
I fear what will happen as she gets older, and stumbles into her teenage years.
He values this relationship so much, and when she inevitably grows up, pulling away…
Hell, it’s gonna kill me too. But Skyler…
Adjusting to going from part-time parent slash friend to a little girl, then to a full-time parent of a colicky newborn, who is now a toddler…
I can’t deny that it hasn’t been challenging as hell at times.
Between the long, sleepless nights, plans shifting at the drop of a hat, temper tantrums and just the general unpredictability that comes with raising a kid…
All of that in between going to school part-time to get his Bachelor’s in Art Therapy.
He no longer works at Lola’s, at least. One less thing on his plate. He’s still close with Micah and Zelda though, who are currently on the other side of the yard chucking water balloons at each other in close range.
We stop by the strip club every Christmas Eve, after dinner with our family. It’s tradition. We bring food and gifts, and we spend time dancing and catching up with what Skyler calls our extended family.
No, this life we live doesn’t come without its challenges and setbacks, as is the case for everyone. Skyler just so happens to feel and experience these things far more intensely than some people. It just is what it is, and it in no way cancels out how I feel. I can be flexible…usually.
He rarely can. Especially when it’s two A.M., and you have a baby screaming his head off, and it’s been days since we got a good night’s sleep.
For anybody, that shit’s hard—it takes some superhuman level strength and resilience to get through those early parenting days.
And Skyler is no less superhuman, just because he needs a little more support in place—people to help him when he needs to take a step back before he’s overwhelmed to the point that it’s a danger to him and others.
He just needs to tap out sooner than most would, and that’s okay.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in these last few years loving him and sharing a life with him, it’s that life often makes a lot more sense when we’re working with what we’ve got, than trying to force ourselves to align with the so-called status quo.
It doesn’t mean sacrificing my own needs, when we’re just meeting on middle ground instead. The more I pause, listen, and accommodate his needs, the more he’s capable of accommodating mine. It just so happens he often needs more accommodations than I do.
And if for some reason hecan’tbe there for me in the wayIneed…
I have Hal to fall back on. AA. Therapy.
There’s no right or wrong way to live this life we’ve got. Our journey from Point A to Point B is just a little more twisty and turny than some others. He was thrown into expert mode without warning or preparation, and it’s up to those of us who love him to help guide his way, and hold him when the earth shakes. To remind him he’s not alone in this, even if my challenges are different from his.
At the end of the day, our love for each other is more powerful than any storm that sweeps through. Our love for our son, our daughter, and this little family of ours could weather anything.
