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Please, please—
Thunder booms, echoing off the cliffs. Another angry swell moves in, seafoam obstructing my vision. My eyes burn. My lungs burn. Everything…burns.
I try to keep toward the land, hoping if the waves push me hard enough I’ll be able to find purchase and hold on long enough for the storm to pass.
But then before I can so much as gasp, back to back waves crash into me, and I’m thrown against something hard. My neck jerks, and pain sears my hip, my entire right side. Mottled black spots flash across my vision just as I’m swept back under. My body arches—
Thwap.
I open my mouth in a silent scream as I’m thrown again, tossed every which way. Something jagged rips into my leg. It’s all heat. All pain. Water gushes down my throat.
I kick and flail, but it’s no use.
My vision blackens around the edges, snuffing out what little visibility I had.
A calmness overtakes me—a stillness, not unlike what I felt last time, as the toxins drowned me.
I don’t know when I stop fighting—I don’t remember making the decision to give up.
That’s not what this is.
It’s not.
I have just enough dazed awareness to take stock of my body—my limbs floating lifeless around me, as if they’re no longer a part of me.
It no longer hurts.
I don’t feel anything.
Somewhere far away, I hear something—Nolan screaming my name.A memory.The last one I had of him. Just like before, it strikes me stupid, thinking this man who barely knew me—who hardly seemed even able to tolerate me most of the time—had that look on his face. Forme.
It’s okay,I think, willing the waves to carry my sentiments toward him.It’s okay. It’s not your fault.
I feel myself shutting down, my thoughts fracturing—
I wish I got to kiss him. Wish I got to know what it was like to be loved.
In this moment, it doesn’t matter that he’s straight or married.
It doesn’t matter.
Nothing matters.
Just the echo of my name clawing out from his throat, broken and scared and desperate.
Just the image of those wide forest green eyes—terrified. Forme—tattooed across my brain.
Just the phantom sensation of those big rough hands holding me, steadying me, as he peered down at me, brows furrowed deeply over those rich eyes.
Forget a lifetime of memories flashing through my head. If I could just stay here, in this moment, with him…
Something flashes—lightning—and in my head, I hear a deep voice telling me it’s okay.
I try to shake my head, but my body is no longer mine. My body is gone.
No. No, this isn’t what I wanted,I realize.
Stars dance across my vision, and I think of the tattoo on Nolan’s shoulder.
