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Maddox chuckled. “Did you give my recommendation some thought? You can’t overlook the oddity of her identity.” He tugged the cup of Starbucks coffee into his hand, taking a sip. The sun had barely dipped over the horizon, which was my favorite time of day.
Including for dealing with difficult situations. Regret tugged at my insides, but not for the reason some might suspect. I wanted the girl. The feeling and the need were intense, which was unusual for me. I wasn’t the kind of man who questioned any decision I made. Granted, I hadn’t been prepared for the raven-haired beauty to waltz into my life like a thunderstorm either.
But what I was thinking about doing would alter every aspect of my life.
“I have. However, I don’t think Raven will enter into a contractually arranged marriage without further justification. Or without a form of payment. In other words, I want to ensure I’m not destroying her life because of my hatred for her father.”
“You have good reason to loathe the man, Arman. So does your father. Shit, if half the crap you told me happened, I’d destroy his entire family. Which is why I’m surprised her welfare is at the front of your mind.”
He was one of the few people that understood, but right now the last thing I needed was to hear any shit. I’d never thought I had a decent bone in my body, but the girl hadn’t chosen her parents. Still, the anger festered while the diamond carrot was being dangled in front of me, a temptation I couldn’t ignore for long. “Maybe because I’m not the monster everyone believes me to be. And I am well aware the hatred is justified, Maddox. However, we are also talking about the rest of my daughter’s life.”
“She’s seventeen, soon to be thirty. She’ll be leaving your protective wings for college soon, which is all she can talk about. Let’s face it. Your hesitation is all about the past.”
“So the fuck what?” I growled. The tension increased, my need for violence pulling me deeper into the darkness. I’d pounded the punching bag in my home gym for a full hour, but it had managed to fuel the adrenaline instead of the opposite. I had to face it. I liked the mysterious girl too much. Fuck. I pulled my fist to my mouth, unable to get the filthy images of her naked body out of my mind.
“Then what are you going to do?”
“I have no fucking idea, my friend.” I laughed, the sound turning bitter by the end.
He chuckled and made the turn into the marina. “You like that girl. More than I originally thought.”
“Which no longer has a place in my world. You should know that.” Maddox had been my best man for my first wedding. He’d been a pallbearer at Sophia’s funeral. And he’d listened to my drunken bouts of guilt and sadness as well as my brutal rants afterwards, my need for violence escalating to the point of being out of control. He’d been the only person capable of getting through to me that I needed to focus on Zoe and her welfare. My little girl had only been four years old when her mother had passed.
He’d also convinced me that revenge wasn’t always the best option, but now, I could swear the gods, or the devil himself, were dangling a carrot I couldn’t refuse.
I was no longer certain that portion of Maddox’s advice had been best served as the old wounds had resurfaced an hour after sending Raven away. They’d become infected in a short period of time, my longing for revenge more potent than before. That’s why he’d insisted on providing assistance in dealing with Grayson. He knew I’d go off the rails, bloodying the already murky waters of the Gulf of Mexico given the time of year.
Here I was being philosophical, also not a strong suit.
“What about love,mon ami?”
When he addressed me in French, which wasn’t his native language, that meant he was concerned about my mental welfare. “I’m incapable of love, except for Zoe of course.”
“What? No love formoi?”
I threw him a look, chuckling under my breath. “You’re too much of an asshole. Love isn’t in the cards, Maddox. Not any longer. The weakness is too great, too much of a draw for those who are chomping at the bit to drag me kicking and screaming straight into hell. I wouldn’t put anyone in that position ever again.”
“That means you’ll live a very dark life, my friend. I can tell you that Sophia wouldn’t want you to live this way.”
“Sophia is dead because of me, Maddox.”
“Not because of you. Someone else took her life.”
“Yeah, well, tell that to Zoe. Don’t you remember how she cried for months, nightmares plaguing her? All she could do was ask for her mommy, something I couldn’t provide. Now I’m considering bringing another woman into her world? Not fair.”
“To whom? She’s not a child any longer. Give her more credit. She’s seen your suffering. She’s talked to me about it.”
I turned my head, ready to punch him in the face. And why? Because my daughter had confided in him instead of her own father. “It’s just the wrong time.”
“There will never be a right time. Maybe the gods are sending you a message.”
“Or taunting the fuck out of me.”
“Like I said,” Maddox growled. “You’re going to live and die a lonely old man in a beautiful house with all the toys in the world. And you will never be happy.”
As he pulled into the parking lot, I finally grabbed the cup of coffee I’d left untouched. I didn’t give a shit it was barely after seven in the morning. Adding whiskey to the strong Colombian blend had crossed my mind more than once. Too bad I didn’t keep a flask in the SUV. “Then so be it.”
“What’s the difference in marrying for love versus business?” he asked, easing the bulletproof vehicle into the oversized space. The fact I’d had every vehicle in my stable of eight detailed immediately after the tragedy was a reminder that life was precious, and emotions were targets.
