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Hishand finds my back and rubs gently up and down my spine. “Weshould never have dropped you off at the curb and told you to change your whole life around by yourself.Fromnow on, we’ll figure things out together.”
Idon’t say anything, just lean back on my hands and rest my cheek against his shoulder. “Sowhat was this idea you had?” he asks, kissing my hair.
Oh, boy.Isquint out at the dark fields. “I…”Takinga deep breath,Itry again. “Iread about a game.”
“Huh?”
Isit up soIcan see his face. “ScoutandRomanplay bondage games, right, to helpRomeget out of his head?Butthis isn’t like that at all.Ipulled up a websiteScouttold me about andIsaw it.”I’mflubbing this, hard.Withevery word,Irealize how muchIwant this thing, this crazy insane thing, and it scares me becauseI’mgoing to have a hard time getting it out of my head when he saysno.
“Babe.”Heturns toward me, folding his leg up, and studies me like he’s worried thatI’mhaving a breakdown. “Ihave no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yourun,”Iblurt desperately. “AndIchase you.”
Itfeels like the whole world goes quiet–us, the bugs and birds, the hum of cars,ScoutandRoman’svoices through the window.
“That’sa real thing?” he asks, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “Likea sex kink?Yourun me down and fuck me in the dirt?”
Ijust nod, trying to gauge his expression and not finding anything. “Ithought it might take the focus off the getting naked part, and help you not overthink.AndIneed to run and be wild.That’swhoIam.IfI’mleaving the gang,Ineed some way to let it out.”Mypointless explanation dies, because he’s not moving or speaking. “I’msorry,Dal.”Idrop my forehead against his shoulder again. “Damnit.You’rescared of getting assaulted andIjust pulled out this fucking load of bullshit.”
Hisfingers start stroking my back again, andIcan feel him take a deep breath. “Therewas this winter,IthinkIwas nine, and it snowed like two feet in one night.”Asmile warms his hesitant voice. “Mymommy was this petite lady with her hair always done and perfect clothes, but she bought this massive, state-of-the-art snowblower because ‘it looks like a lot more fun and a lot less complaining than having a husband to shovel the driveway’.”Isnort, and he chuckles quietly. “Anyway, she took it out when it snowed to help the old lady next door clear her car.Iwanted to watch cartoons, soIturned on theTV.Itwas showing some scary movie;Inever did figure out which one.SomethingIshouldn’t have been watching.Soof course,Iwas riveted.”
Thenostalgia in his voice fades into something more awkward, like he’s scared of whatI’mgoing to think. “Therewas this guy getting kidnapped or something.Hewas tied up, but he got loose and went running out into the forest.Thekidnappers, these big, strong guys, chased him down and stalked him like a wounded animal until he was cornered.Theypinned him down and tied him up again while he fought as hard as he could.”
Ifidget, trying to adjust myself without being obvious.Itfeels wrong to get aroused right now, butIcan’t help it whenI’mtrapped between the velvet softness of his skin and the words of that story.
“Momcame home,” he continues, “soIturned it off before she could see.Butthat nightIkept thinking about it, and it gave me this weird, good feeling.WhenIrubbed myself down there, it felt even better.That’showIstarted jerking off to getting chased and captured, a full year before my mom even told me what sex was.AndInever stopped.SoIdon’t know how kinks work exactly, but that one is deep inside me.”
WhenIlift my head, he’s the one looking ashamed. “Deepinside you, huh?”Imurmur. “Nice.”
Hesnorts and almost shoves me off the car. “Fuckoff.”
“Doesthat mean you’d be into it?”Isound so incredulous, as ifI’mnot the one who came up with the idea in the first place. “I’dread up on everything, make sure we did it right.Andwe’d talk about how to make it good and safe for you.”
Hecovers his cheeks with his hands, like he’s trying to hide his excitement from me. “Iwill never in a billion years be able to guess what shit you’re going to come up with next.ButIlove that about you.”
“I’llremind you of that next timeIwanna build a flamethrower skateboard.”
“Ohdamn,” he murmurs with a mocking little grin. “Youalready found the one thing in the world that would make me break up with you.”
Hesquawks whenIgrab him and dump him easily on his back on the graffitied hood, pinning him under my body weight.Thetowel falls off his hair, letting the damp strands tumble free as he rests his head against theUofCUNT.
“It’scute that you think you could leave after you just gave me permission to hunt you,”Imurmur, brushing my thumb through the hollow of his throat as he goes still underneath me.Ican’t feel his erection through his jeans like other guys, butIcan sense it in every other part of his body–a hitch in his breathing, the heat of his cheeks, and the needy squirm of his hips, like he wants something to rub against.It’sfucking killing me thatIcan’t make him come right here on the hood of the car, as he whimpers into his elbow to stopScoutandRomanfrom hearing.
“Beck?” he breathes, sliding his hands under my shirt just far enough to rest against my bare skin. “There’sone other thing.Ifelt how big you were last night, andI’veonly taken a toy half that size before.Idon’t think tearing my virgin ass open is part of the game.”
NowI’mthe one that shivers.Isuspected he was a virgin if he’d never been kissed, but to hear the word out of his mouth makes me feel feral.He’smine and only mine, exactly like it should be. “Yourass will survive,Ipromise.”Istick out my pinkie, and he melts into a sheepish smile as he hooks it with his.
“But, um…”Somethinginnocent creeps into his voice. “Doyou know how to make it not hurt?”
I’mnot a patient person.Ifuck fast and messy without foreplay andIlike guys who can take it.Butright now,Iwant to push inside him so slow in the moonlight and show him how goodIcan make it.Iwant to stay inside him forever, warming my cock in his body and my face in his neck while he holds me and talks to me, until all the fight in me goes quiet. “Yeah,”Iwhisper, kissing his earlobe. “Iknow how.”
13
DALLAS
Crash.Theslippery white mannequin slithers out of my hands and falls, sending arms and legs rolling in every direction.Iclose my eyes and try to center myself with a deep breath.Itdoesn’t particularly work.
Richardsticks his head out of the back room.He’sbeen listening to me fumble around and chase plastic body parts across the floor for twenty minutes. “Doingokay out here,Dallas?Needsome help?”
