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Beck’slips curl in a dangerous grin. “Thenwatch out.”
Histhick pecs rise and fall as he breathes, and his abs flow into the mouth-wateringVthat points down into his gym shorts like an arrow.Idon’t realize how longI’vebeen ogling him until he speaks again. “Youcan touch if you want.It’sall yours.”
Iglance up at him, my mouth going dry, then tentatively brush my fingers across his tight, inked skin.WhenItrace the waistline of his shorts, crossing his happy trail, he twitches and makes a small sound in his throat.Thesoft fabric has no hope of hiding his half-erection.
It’sbeen an overwhelming day, andIthink it’s about to get even stranger.Icurl up and rest my head on his chest, savoring the thump of his heart against my ear. “Howare you feeling?” he asks, lacing his fingers in my hair. “Doyou want papaya for dinner?”
Ishake my head. “It’stoo late.I’mso hornyIcan barely move.”
Hislow hum goes straight through his body into my ear, and his grip in my hair tightens a little. “Sofirst of all,Ialways wrap up my dick, andI’vebeen gettingPrEPfrom the local community clinic.SocanIfuck my cum into you or no?”
Iclose my eyes and groan as my cock throbs. “God.You’rewelcome to try, if you can catch me.”
Hejust laughs, low and easy. “Sotell me about this wet dream of yours.Iwant details.”
Evennow,Ifeel sheepish and flustered asIdo my best to describe the dark figure who calls me “little rabbit”, who stalks me untilI’mgasping and desperate on the ground.Becklistens in silence, playing with the collar of my shirt.WhenIlook down,Irealize his erection has thickened until it’s straining his shorts.I’mso hard thatIhave to fight not to touch myself.
Whenwe’ve exhausted every other topic,Beckprops himself on his elbows so he can meet my eyes.Fromthe look on his face,Ialready know what he’s going to say. “Iget that it’s hard,Dal, butIneed you to tell me about what you have going on down there, soIcan do this right.Idon’t give a fuck what it is or isn’t, butIhave to know.”
Itdoesn’t matter whatIdo or whoIdate–ifIwant to have sex, this part will always come.AtleastI’msafe here, snuggled against my best friend with the smell of his summery deodorant in the sheets. “Ihave a dick, but it’s small.Maybean inch and a half?Thenthere’s my ass, and a hole in between.Idon’t want to use it.Idon’t want to touch it.Idon’t want to know it’s there.I’msorry–tons of trans guys use it, and it’s a lot easier to come that way, butIjust can’t.”
“Dal.”Hestrokes my hair back from my forehead. “Idon’t care.Youcan use any part of your body any fucking way you want.It’syour body.”
“Butit makes things complicated.Puttinga dildo in my ass felt good, butIcan’t come just from that.AndIcan’t jack my cock like a cis guy, soI…”Igrimace and look away. “Ican’t come without a vibrator.”
Histhumb presses against my jaw, turning my face back to his.Somethingwild is prowling just behind his green eyes. “That’shot, pretty boy,” he murmurs, his smile widening. “You’regonna wish you didn’t give me that power.”Heslaps my ass lightly. “Gograb it.”
Anarousing kind of shame trickles down my spine asIcreep through the house past my friends’ room, untape it from the drawer, and tiptoe back with it hidden up my sleeve.Beckwatches curiously asIhold it out.He’sprobably never seen one before.It’sabout seven inches long and an inch in diameter, made of blue plastic with a battery compartment and a twist knob.Thispiece of junk has taken good care of me the past two years.
“Here.”Beckholds out his hand and crooks his fingers.
“Ifyou’re not sure how it works,”Ibabble nonsensically, “ask away.”Thesight of his big, rough hands turning the flimsy thing over and over makes my cock ache even more.Hetwists the knob, and it hums and buzzes against the pad of his thumb as his eyes flick up to mine.Myheart speeds up, like the preyI’mabout to become.Ican feel myself helplessly leaking precum, becauseI’mthe fucked-up rabbit that wants to be caught.
“Noquestions,” he says with a small grin that promises so much.Thenhe turns it off and slides it casually in his pocket, like it belongs to him now.Andwith that simple gesture,I’mpretty sure the game has begun.
14
DALLAS
Icrackthe door so we can hear whenScoutandRome’smovie finishes.Whilewe wait, we lie onBeck’sbed with our fingers laced together, talking about any details we might have forgotten.Therealization that we almost took off into the forest without any lube spirals me into a panic, butBeckgets up and digs around the house until he finds a travel bottle inScout’sbathroom drawer.Onceeverything’s settled, we speculate about whetherTheoandCalvinhave settled into the camper.Becksays they probably found all the spare homemade bondage gear and fled, convinced we’re a bunch of serial killers.
Aftera while,Beckfalls silent.Hesqueezes my hand tighter, rests his stubbly cheek against it, and stares into space with lidded eyes that don’t hint at what’s going on in his head.Thedeeper the night gets outside the window, the more our bond slips into something more fundamental than words–scent, heat, instinct.I’maware of his faster, stronger body next to me, the hint of his sweat, and the realization that he won’t let me leave this night as a virgin unlessIsafeword.
Atlast the sound of explosions and yelling fromScout’sroom changes to dramatic end credits music, andIsit up abruptly, glancing atBeck. “Easy,” he warns. “Weshould wait twenty minutes for them to fall asleep.”
Idon’t know what to do with a world whereI’mthe antsy one andBecktells me to be patient, soIstand up and start pacing. “I’mhungry,”Ilie, desperate for something to do with my hands.
“Eatingright now sounds like a bad idea.”
“Fuck, you’re right.”Iprop my forehead against the paneled wall, wondering whenIlast changed the batteries in the vibrator, whetherBeckhas a plan or not.I’mgoing to trip and break my ankle and have my foot amputated and lose my job and become homeless and die alone, all becauseIcan’t have sex in bed like a normal person. “I’llget changed,”Ifumble out beforeIcan spiral deeper into a hole. “Canyou get us some water?
Myhands feel numb asIdig through my closet, trying to figure out the dress code for losing your virginity in a pile of pine needles.Aftera lot of thought,Igrab a tatteredMileHighCityt-shirt, paired with boxer briefs, the slightly slutty running shortsIuse for yoga, and canvas sneakersIcan lace up securely.Myhair presents a problem, soItwist it into a bun and pull a beanie over it.Allof this feels excessive and more than a little foolish, like when you realize you’re the only one who dressed up for the workHalloweenparty.
Beckstudies me up and down whenIenter the kitchen, his eyes gleaming like a wolf.Iknow the kind version of him best, butI’veglimpsed the feral, uncontrollably possessive parts, too.That’swhatIneed tonight.
Ichug a glass of water, then pick up the black aluminum flashlight he set on the table for me.It’sbigger than the ones that hang on a keychain, but lighter than the full-sized monsters you could kill someone with.Aftertesting the light,Islide it into my waistband and take a deep breath. “Wellthen.”Ihave nothing else to prepare, no more distractions or delays.Bythe time we get back here, nothing’s going to be the same.
“Youget a head start, baby,”Becksays hoarsely, tipping his head toward the door.Inotice that he doesn’t tell me how long it will be. “Don’ttrip and break your pretty nose any more than it already is.”
