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BECK
I’ma little bit unhinged.Everyonethinks so.Whatthey don't know is how muchIhold back to try and seem normal.Maybeit started the day my mom died, or maybeIwas born this way.Ineed adrenaline the wayIneed water.IfIcan't find a fight,Istart one, becauseIneed to taste blood in my mouth.Idon't care if it's someone else's or mine.IfIcan't release the pressure, my head gets even weirder.
Butright now, back inDallas’ bed after our first unforgettable fuck,I'msatisfied.Finally.I'mtired, like when my mom would tuck me in and read from this little book of fairy tales that she loved.SoIjust rest my head on my arm and watch him sleep.I'vememorized every tiny detail of his face a hundred times, butInever get bored of it.
Afterwho knows how long, his eyes flutter open and blink slowly.Theywiden when he sees me staring at him. "Hi," he grunts, rubbing a hand over his face.
"Hey."Isavor the way his nose scrunches up as he yawns.Healways wakes up first, soInever get to catch him like this. "Howare you feeling?"
Hestretches, then grimaces. "Filthy.Ahot shower is in order."
Whenhe starts to push himself up,Igrab his arm. "Wait.Ineed to say something."I'vebeen thinking about this for hours, sinceIwatched the sun rise through the blinds.Nopart of me wants to say it, butIwon't be able to rest easy ifIdon't.
Droppinghis head back against the pillow, he frowns me in confusion. "What'sgoing on?"
"Iknow you said you were all in, that you love me."Worryflickers across his face, butIkeep going before he can interrupt and make me lose my nerve. "Theway we've been the last two years?Thatwas me trying really hard to give you space.Iheld back.Icouldn't stand the idea of you dating someone, butIpromised myselfI'dtry not to kill them.Dal, you have to understand that if you give yourself to me for real,I'mdone holding back.Lastnight will feel like a kid's game, because at least you had a tiny chance of getting away from me.Andif that doesn't scare you, it should.SoIwant you to take thirty seconds, right now, and decide if you want to back out.Becauseif we go,I'mnot gonna be able to stop again."
"I–"Hebreaks off whenIshake my head.
"I'mdead serious,Dallas."
Histhoughtful eyes search mine.Iexpect him to start chattering nervously, but he doesn't look away or say a word.Istart counting in my head.Maybethirty seconds isn't enough time for a choice like this, but it's longer than it took me to fall in love with him.Andit's the limit of how longIcan hold myself together.
WhenIget totwenty, he grabs the edge of the blanket and drags it slowly down his body, his eyes still on mine.Itslides across his belly, then his hips, then off his legs so he's stretched out completely naked.Forthe first time, there's nothing hiding him from me--not clothes, or darkness, or games.
Hisass and hips are curvier than mine, and covered in the same flawless, gold-brown skin as the rest of him, with curly dark hair trailing from his belly button down between his thighs.Ican just see the tip of his stiff cock peeking out.Goosebumpsperk up along his skin as the cool air teases it, but he doesn't move to cover himself.
Eventhough he's watching me, he jumps a little whenIrest my hand on the stretch of tight skin just above his pubic hair.Noone has ever touched him here before.Istroke my thumb down the ridge of his hip. "Youhave one more second,"Iwhisper.
Everythingin my head comes unglued when he silently lifts his arms to rest on the pillow above his head and spreads his thighs untilIcan see all the pieces of his past and present and future, the body he came from and the body he built, all at once.Itmakes me so fucking happyIwant to cry.
Hepulls in a deep breath whenIclimb up and straddle his hips.Hisgaze slides from my half-hard dick resting on his ribs up to my face, but he still doesn't say anything.Iwrap one hand around both his wrists and press them deeper into the mattress above his head, so he can feel how easy it is for me to hold him down.Heshivers between my thighs, his eyes going glassy.Theboy fucking loves it.
Weboth moan whenIwrap my fingers around my cock and start jerking off, my wet slit rubbing his belly.Everything'sbreathlessly silent except for the fast, rough slap of my hand.Dallasarches his back unconsciously, like his body's begging for my cum.Itbarely takes a minute beforeIwhimper and come hard.Bothof us watch as it pools in his belly button and trails down along his hipbones, his ribs rising and falling fast.
Lettinggo of his wrists,Iplant both hands in my cum and smear it in a long, glistening streak up his chest.Hestays perfectly still and good, letting me swipe cum across his pecs and up his throat.Igather it thick on my fingers and rub it into his still-hard cock until he's slick with me.UntilI'msatisfied deep down that if anyone came near him, they'd smell only me and know who he belongs to.
WhenIsnap out of it, my arms are shaking, exhausted from last night.I'mflying so high on adrenaline and instinct thatI'mnot sure how to come down.Panting,Ilift my gaze to his face.Hiseyes are darker thanI'veever seen them before. "Dallas,I–"
Heshakes his head, andItrail off.Spreadinghis fingers, he reaches one hand up and presses it to the very center of my chest, where the infinite snake looped around my pecs crosses over itself.Slowly, his hand curls into a fist, like he's holding my heart in his palm.Hisface looks calm and open, the way it does when he's just finished meditating. "Theonly thingI'mscared of," he murmurs, "is just how muchIlove you."
Wemake out for a long time, slow at first, then rough and deep, then gentle again.Helets me curl up on top of him and rest my face in his shoulder, then rubs my back until my head quiets down. "Ireally do need a shower, love," he murmurs after a while, playing with my hair. "Urgently."
ButasIroll off of him,Irealize there's one more thing that needs to happen before everything's one-hundred-percent official and the whole world is in its rightful place.I'mnot willing to wait another second. "Holdon."
"Ican't," he complains, lifting up a strand of his tangled hair and squinting at it. "Thisis a life or death situation."
Jumpingto my feet,Idrag on my shorts and throw my wadded-up blanket in his face. "Thenhurry up."
"Hurryup what?"Hesquawks in protest whenIdrag him across the room soIcan open the door. "EverythingIjust said,Itake it back.Youwere put on this earth to annoy me."
Scoutlooks up from his book whenImarch into the living room, andRomanpauses brushingTubbs' haunches.Dallashas stopped fighting my hand wrapped around his.Hestumbles to a stop next to me, with his red face and sex hair and my blanket clutched around his body.I'mgonna get yelled at so much later.
"DallasandIare together,"Iannounce to the silent room. "Boyfriends, except not.Morelike we're married.Technicallynot yet, but we could be.It'sthe same–"
"Beck,"Dallascuts in, his voice still hoarse from sleep. "Youget three more words beforeImaim you and go take my shower."
That'seasy.Ilace my sweaty fingers through his. "Ilove him."
