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Shakinghis head, he drops his gaze to the floor between us. “Iwant…”Hesets his jaw and tries again slowly. “Iwant to go to a meeting.Forreal.”
Mybreath catches. “Areyou sure?Ifthat doesn’t feel right for you, we’ll find something else.”
Ibreak off when he slings his heavy arms around me and suffocates me against his broad chest, burying his face in my neck. “Iwant it,” he whispers, “butIneed you to come with me, please.”
“I’lldo anything for you.”Themuscles of his back twitch asIbrush my fingers up and down his spine soothingly. “It’sgonna be okay.”
“I’mso tired,Dal.”
“You’rebrave,”Imurmur in his ear. “That’swhat matters.Calvin’sgoing to see you be brave, and that’s what he’s going to remember.”
“Really?”
“Ipromise.”
20
BECK
Idon’t understandmy boyfriend.EversinceCalvincheered me up this afternoon,Dallashas been flitting around shooting me looks that definitely have some secret message behind them.WhenScout,Roman, andTheopulled up in theCivicafter work,Dalstarted insisting we need to takeTubbsto the big park in town.Daldoesn’t even like that park.Then, by the time everyone got changed and ready to leave again, he was perched on the couch with his head in his hand, giving pathetic little coughs.
“Areyou coming,Dallas?”Scoutcalls from the kitchen, shooting mewhat the hellface.
Dalcoughs again and sort of collapses in slow motion onto the couch like he’s a fainting lady in an old movie. “IthinkImight be getting sick.Youshould go without me.”
“Wasn’tthis his idea?”Theomurmurs, perplexed.Romanjust shrugs.
“‘Byethen.”Iwave at him, then turn to follow everyone outside.
“Uggghhh,” he groans, and starts coughing even harder.Idon’t think this is how coughs work.Hestops hacking very abruptly and eyes me, like he’s waiting to see whatI’lldo.
Icross my arms and lean on the door frame. “Youwant me to stay.”
“Youdon’thaveto,” he sighs mournfully, grabbing a blanket and pulling it all the way up to his nose. “Ican die alone, it’s fine.”
“Jesus.Onesecond.”
Iwave everyone else off and watch the car pull down the drive.ThenIreturn to the living room and stare down at the lump in the blankets. “Ifyou’re so sick, you should quarantine in bed with no snacks or cuddles.”
Heflips the top of the blanket down with afwumpand peers up at me, his face flushed and his hair frizzy with static. “Ineed care.”Hiscough has magically disappeared.
Crouchingdown,Irest the back of my hand against his forehead. “Youdon’t feel like you have a fever.”
“Ido.”Heraises his eyebrows, a grin tugging at his lips. “Afever only you can satisfy.”
“Quarantineit is.”
Huffingindignantly, he rolls over so his face is just an inch from mine. “Igot us ninety minutes alone in this house,Beckham.Dowith that what you will.Andyou’d better fucking do something, because you have kept. me. waiting.”
I’vebeen so numb the last few days, under the crushing weight, that the rush of heat and want and love is almost too overwhelming.Asit fills my brain and lights up my body,Ifeel the most incredible relief.
Dallassits up and peels off his t-shirt in one quick, eager movement, exposing the planes of his body and sensitive skin that live rent free in my head all the time.He’sso desperate that he moans whenIpush him back against the couch and crawl on top of him.Ibet he’s been imagining this for days.
Wehaven’t kissed this way since the forest, rough and too deep, shoving him down into the cushions.Hewraps his thighs tight around my waist, arching his body, and digs his fingers into my hair.
Whenmy lips feel sore,Ipull back and put a hand over his mouth.Hegoes still, his pupils dilating as he watches me intently, then gasps against my palm whenIkiss down his throat to the point where his clavicles come together.Ican feel the vibration of his needy whimpers through his chest and against my hand at the same time asIlick a line between his pecs to his bellybutton.WhenIstop at the waistband of his jeans, he shudders and whines softly.
Iknow whatIwant, more than anything, but he has to want it too.Ilet go of his mouth and hold his stare.Ittakes me two tries to get my voice to work properly. “CanIsuck you off?”
