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Hestares out over the roofs of the other houses, their big yards with pools and fancy greenhouses. "Fuckinghell," he grumbles, his voice all torn up as he grabs the front of his shirt and uses it to blow his nose. "Isuck.I'ma piece of shit."
Ipull my hand out from under his shirt and offer it to him, letting him wrap his hands around it and hug it to his chest. "Why?"
"I'mso fucking happy for you;Ineed you to believe me.IthoughtIcould do this, if we talked on the phone every day, but it’s going to fucking kill me.Togo to the meetings without you.Tonot be able to touch you.HowthefuckamIgonna sleep without you?"Hejust finished crying for the first time in decades and already he’s about to break down again.
"Wait, wait, wait."Igo up on my knees, tugging my arm away, and grab his face in both hands. "Whatthe fuck are you talking about?"
Hiseyes are glazed with pain and panic. "Huh?I'mtalking about when the rest of us fly home tomorrow night."
Igrab at all the pieces, trying to make sense of them. "Beck, did you thinkIwas staying here withMom?Indefinitely?"
“That’sthe whole point,Dal.Yougot your mom back.Shemade you a room here and everything."
"I..."Droppingback on my ass,Ishake my head.NowI’mthe one fighting that tight feeling in my throat. "YouthoughtImight never come home again, but you still brought me here?SoIcould be happy?"
Hetilts his chin up in a confused half-nod. "It'sokay," he forces out. "We’lllive together again someday.I'msorryIcried like a little bitch;Idon't want you to feel guilty."
"You..."AllIcan do is stare at him.Iknew he loved me enough to pursue me and own me.ButIguessIdidn’t know that he also loved me enough to let me go, even when it tears him apart and goes against his deepest urges.Thisman is always bigger thanIrealize.We,DallasandBeck, are bigger thanIrealize.Thekind of thing that feels like eternity.
"I'mcoming home with you,Beck.Myfamily and my job are both there.Mom'sgoing to start looking for jobs inColorado, so she can move back and live near me.ButI'mnot staying here."
Hiseyes meet mine as he breathes slowly, flexing his fingers and trying to center himself in his body again. "Oh."
Ifeel so overwrought after today thatIcan't help but laugh a little. "Yeah."
"NowIlook like a loser," he mumbles, rolling his eyes and viciously cleaning away the last of the tears. "Totalfucking freak.Thanksfor that."
"Oh, this was my fault?"Ipoke his arm playfully, then jump when his hand whips out and catches my wrist faster thanIcan process.Hedrags my arm closer and rests his forehead against it.Ican feel how shaky and tense and fucked up he is.AndIdon't know what to say, because there's no way to verbalize how muchIlove him right now–the kind of love that rips you open, chokes you, makes you helpless, hurts you and shelters you.
Theoverflowing emotions, the stirring in my body as his breath slides along my skin, the strangeness of this place that makes me ache for something familiar–it all comes together into a single thought. "Beck."Iwhisper.
Hedoesn't lift his head from my arm, but he tilts it untilIcan see one green eye, smoldering like a low ember.
Ihold his stare, even as it slowly, dangerously pulls out the prey inside me. "Doyou need to mark your territory?"Iask softly.Hisnostrils flare, andIfeel his muscles tighten a little. "Doyou need to claim me back?"
Hemakes a weird sound halfway between a growl and a groan and lifts his head.Ican hardly breathe with both of his eyes on me, as it sinks in what a mad thingIjust suggested.We’renot in a forest–this is a house in a clean, quiet neighborhood where people might call the police on us if they hear anything strange.
ButIcan't be good, not whenIfeel like this.Whenhe tries to touch me,Icrawl backwards out of his reach.Hegoes still for a moment, the sadness fading away into something visceral. "Dallas," he says hoarsely. "Becareful."
"Lasttime it was my game,"Imurmur. "Thistime it's yours.Showme what happens ifIforget whoIbelong to."
Hecloses his eyes and lets out a long, shaky breath.Whenhe opens them again, they're dark and dangerous. "Thenrun."
Iglance over my shoulder, remembering suddenly thatI’mon a roof in my underwear. "MaybeIshould change–"
"Lookat me," he demands, pushing himself up into a crouch as all his muscles coil in anticipation. "Whatdo rabbits do?"
"But–"
Heshakes his head sharply.
"Theyrun,"Iwhisper, a wave of raw adrenaline rushing through me.Lasttime, we prepared and perfected every detail.ButIknow we still havepapaya, if things get out of control.
Henarrows his eyes. "Thenstart running."
Thereare too many choices.Ifreeze up, trying to think.
"Youhave thirty seconds’ head start," he says quietly. "Ifyou're still here,I'mgonna pin you down right there and fuck you so hard everyone in this house and all the ones around it will hear you scream my name."
