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“What happened? Is he ok?” I blurt out. A hush falls to the crowds.
“I’m sure it’s part of his act,” Hector says, but he doesn’t look so convinced.
It’s not. It’s real. I’m sure there’s a story there. And as Issy Woo stays on that stage, utterly destroyed by something unknown to us, his fans, I make my decision.
Because, watching Issy Woo tear his chest open in front of thousands of people and showing his heart for all of us to see like that, open, raw, unafraid… it has shocked me.
I realize that yes, I have been afraid for so long, and with good reason. I am unprepared, and the country as well as its leadership, are both deeply rotten. However, the opposite of fear is not non-fear. Maybe it’s not even bravery.
Maybe it's love.
Maybe love is the safety net. And I have that in abundance. So, what am I waiting for? My country needs me. The world needs me. I am small and unprepared, and scared and I have made mistakes. And I may never be anything more than small in the grand scheme of things, but I can definitely become prepared. More than prepared—I can be proficient. I can be educated. I have a support system, I have my siblings. And I have Marco. And dad. And that is more than anyone can ever hope of having in this life.
What am I waiting for? For things to get worse? More desperate?
For more people to suffer?
For more people to die?
Everything is suddenly clear.
Right then and there, before Issy Woo has managed to pick himself up from that stage, in the sudden shocked silence of the crowds, I grab my phone and call my dad.
“Is there another sibling?” is the first thing I ask him.
He’s so surprised, he coughs.
“No more secrets, Dad, no more half-truths between us. I need to know everything, if I…”
“There isn’t.” He interrupts me quickly. Before I say what I’m about to say. He need to say his answer first. That’s how it should happen. “You know everything I know, Livy. Now, what were you going to say? If you what?”
“If I’m going to do this,” I reply. “And I am. I’m ready. I’m ready to talk about reigning.”
My dad sniffles on the phone like the big baby he is and we set a date to start talking with his advisors once I get back home. Then I turn off my phone completely and turn to Marco who was watching me.
“Everything ok?” he asks carefully.
“Will you be there, if I do this?” I ask him. He doesn’t ask what I’m talking about: He knows.
“Yes,” he answers without hesitation. “I’m all in.”
I stand on tiptoe and kiss him.
And then…
I breathe.
