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“Don’t do this to us, Alex!”she cried, thankfully keeping her voice low so the boys wouldn’t hear.“Damn you!Fuckingbastard!”
I yanked my cell from my back pocket and swiped it to life.My hands shook as I dialed 911.
Alex didn’t get to sign his ass out of the hospital.He landed in detox, and I was once more left to pick up the pieces of his sorry existence atop the shit of my own.
I’d never made it to Kellen’s, and he’d blocked my number.No big surprise there.I’d have done the same if I was in his shoes.Anger and hurt battled for dominance in my heart, neither of which I could control or had the time to work through.
Too overwhelmed with everything else, I had to put Kellen and I on the back burner and set Alex’s shit straight for his family’s sake.My brain had been wired to take a case, figure it out, finish it, then put it aside.Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to treat my personal life any differently.
One step, one day at a time, I attempted to clear the path for the next obstacle before I could move on in pursing the man who’d sunk his needy claws into my heart and wouldn’t let go.Once Alex’s home and personal issues settled, I would find Kellen and offer an explanation I hoped he would understand.But would he forgive me for how I’d stupidly left him?Would he hang on to that sense of abandonment?Even give me an opportunity to beg him for another chance?
Teresa clung to me as much as she did Janie, but when not down at headquarters working my ass off, I was hanging with her boys, bold-faced lying about why their dad wasn’t around, all the while dying inside.
They didn’t understand, and neither did I.
Why Alex chose drugs with all he had to lose, I had no fucking clue.At least his using hadn’t been going on for very long.After detoxing for seven days, he was set to leave for rehab—on his own fucking dime rather than mine that time around.
But he chose not to go.
He came home, looking better than he had in a while, but I didn’t trust his clear eyes or his apologies for fucking up.
Teresa and the boys welcomed him with open arms, but I held back, telling him we could get together the following day to work shit out.
He decided that was an invitation to show up unannounced at my office the next afternoon.
“Alex.”I greeted him as he strode in, shutting the door behind him.
He looked good if not still a little thin.“Hey.I’m so fucking sorry.”
I held up my hand, not wanting to hear it.
“Seriously, JJ.”He rounded my desk and leaned down to kiss me.
I gave him my cheek, my stomach churning over him being in my personal space.
“Please, JJ—I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you,” he said, straightening, his eyes full of remorse.“I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my family while I was being an asshole.”
“Asshole?”
“Okay.”He laughed lightly, his eyes pained.“Perhaps something a little harsher would fit better, but I’m admitting I was wrong.Ichosewrong.Almost lost everything I had.”Alex leaned down again, putting his face in mine, his hands grasping my shoulders.“Forgive me—I fucking need you in my life, JJ.Can’t do this shit without you.You’ve been my rock since what?Middle school?Without you…”
“Alex.”I swallowed hard and closed my eyes since I couldn’t stand to look into his blue eyes and let him suck me back into his toxicity.He’d easily manipulated my loyalty before, but—
His lips brushed over mine, a familiar feeling, one that used to comfort me and flood me with longing to have him all to myself until death parted us.
But his touch no longer felt right.Instead, unease crept through me like ghostly fingers, sending unpleasant shivers down my spine.Whatever desire I’d had for my best friend had quietly, slowly dissolved into nothing but a sense of caring and empathy.
Because of Kellen.He’d shown me something more…had given me his vulnerability without a hint of manipulation.We’d shared an honesty I never had with Alex—and my soul longed to expand on that connection.Seek out deeper emotions that would bind us together.
I put my hand on Alex’s chest to keep him from tonguing into my mouth.
He blinked, his brow furrowing as I created space between us as I should have done years earlier regardless of Kellen opening my eyes to what a relationship could be.
“I’m busy,” I stated, my tone firm.The office wasn’t the place, nor did I have the time right then to get into everything I was feeling inside.Love for my friend, wanting his safety and health, but somethingmorefor another man I hungered to hold again.
Alex’s face smoothed out, and he smiled, straightening once more.“We’ll talk later?”
“Yeah.”
