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“It was nice to contribute atop the money for a change.”
“Maybe you should get your ass up here more often if it’s going to make you feel this good.”
I gave Jacob my full focus, studying his face that was void of teasing.He’d made it clear he thought I wasted time in the city and that my presence would be better appreciated back home.
“What brought you up here, boy?”Dad asked quietly, and I heaved a heavy breath.
Guess there wouldn’t be any more hiding.
“You know why I joined Elite Escorts.”I didn’t ask a question, but both men nodded.“Someone brought it to my attention recently that I’ve been living for retaliation rather than myself.I’ve been putting my anger and need for revenge first for so damn long…and I don’t even realize who I am.Who I used to be got set aside—for Xavier, a man who doesn’t love me.”
I’d done so since the day I’d met him, if I was being honest with myself.
“You’re a giver—always have been,” Jacob easily summed me up.
I nodded, not bothering with arguing.
“Same as your mom,” Dad added.
A soft laugh rose inside me, the first in weeks, and I let it out.He spoke truth, and it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of seeing as how most people loved Mom.
“I took a leave of absence with Elite last month,” I said, staring into the fire.I honestly didn’t miss the work or having to please Elite’s customers.“My last client made me question everything I’ve been doing.What I want in life.WhoI wanted in my life.”I sipped my beer, stewing on that final thought.
“Past tense,” Jacob pointed out after a few seconds of silence while I’d been focused on the memory of JJ.“Who was it, and what happened?”
“James Jenner.JJ.He chose someone else over me.Same as Xavier.”Fuck, it hurt to speak the truth.Pain radiated through my chest, and I rubbed over my pecs, hating the first bit of emotion I’d felt in days.
Neither Dad or Jacob spoke a word.What was there to say?We Roberts men tended to suffer in silence, but at least they both had partners to hold their hands and soothe whatever bothered them when they were in need.
“I’m proud of you.”Dad eventually broke the heavy silence while I tried to squash my feelings back down so numbness would keep me company again rather than agony.“Rather than lashing out this time, you came home.Gave yourself a chance to work through it instead of losing yourself in men, booze, or drugs.”
Eyeing the beer in my hand, I nodded, allowing Dad’s encouragement to soothe over the brokenness inside me wanting to scream for attention even if I hadn’t focused on what needed done inside my head.I’d been hiding.Period.
“Did you ever confront Xavier?”
I glanced over at Jacob.His brow was furrowed, eyes troubled.My guts clenched tight at the thought of laying eyes on my ex.“No.Never want to see that fucker ever again.”
“Maybe it would help though.Unloading all that bitterness and anger.Keeping shit bottled up isn’t healthy,” he stated quietly.
I nodded, expecting he was probably right.Didn’t make me want to do what he’d said though.
“What are your plans?”Dad asked.
Hide from reality until I die.
“I don’t know,” I answered since happiness would never be found in that kind of existence.
“S’mores?”Jacob suggested, and I breathed easier at the out.I guessed he’d figured I’d been poked at enough for one night.
“If you brought the goods,” I replied.
“Ha!”He barked a laugh and stood.“As if I would come up here without the stuff to make the best dessert on the face of the earth.”
We spent the next two hours hanging out by the fire, bullshitting about nothing, gossiping about everything, and downing way too many fucking calories in the form of chocolate and marshmallows.
For the first time in over a month, I climbed into bed feeling semi-peaceful, even if I was half-sick from having eaten too much sugar.
Maybe I did need to move back to Maine.It was an escape from the life I’d had with Xavier and the one I’d created after he’d broken me.And with JJ having made his preferences clear, there really wasn’t anything left for me in the city.
