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Bea
“I’m chased to the water’s edge, a dense forest on one side and raging rapids on the other. He traps me with no way out.” My heart beats dramatically as it does each night when the dream comes. “It’s too dark to make out his face, but I can feel his eyes on me, watching and waiting.”
Holly, my friend and elf co-worker, ponders the recurring dream that’s been waking me for the last several months. She’s a self-proclaimed dream interpreter, dabbling in the mysteries of the mind for entertainment. I’ve been waiting all day for our chat by the evening fire, desperately needing a reason why the nagging dream won’t go away. Something about my visit to the garage this morning brought the dream to the forefront, and I can’t shake it.
Many of Winslow Farm’s employees gather around the nightly fire after work to socialize and grab a cup of hot cocoa. Even though we’re all one big happy family, we tend to migrate to the same small groups. Holly, Maddie, Noelle, Hailey, and I tend to mingle on the fringe as our topics of conversation are often laced with inappropriate subjects for the tree farm’s family-friendly atmosphere.
“Do you feel threatened by the man?” Holly bites her lip as concern stretches across her brow.
I recall details of the dream and the moments leading up to the instant I fled into the darkness. It isn’t fear that drives me so much as the unease in my gut. It’s as if I’ve done something wrong. Like I’ve taken something that doesn’t belong to me. Coveted something that could never be mine.
All eyes are on me, watching my reaction, waiting on edge for my answer. I hedge, unwilling to reveal all the personal details of my dream and the sexual tension that threads through my body upon waking.
“No.” I shake my head. “I think the water and darkness scare me the most.”
Holly holds my gaze long enough for guilt to seep into my bones. It’s wrong of me to ask her to interpret my dream when I’m unwilling to be forthright with the truth. I avert my eyes outside our small circle, allowing the buzz of conversation and the crackling fire to distract me.
“Water relates to strong emotional reactions to things currently happening in a person’s life.” Holly’s brow creases. “Is there something happening that you can’t control or feel you shouldn’t want or can’t have?”
“What do you want that you think you can’t have, Bea?” Maddie asks as all eyes dart to me in anticipation.
“I don’t know.” I stare at the fire, avoiding everyone’s gaze. I know what I want the most, but I don't have the nerve to say it aloud.
Just beyond the dancing flames, a laughing couple hold hands as they cross the parking lot. The couple pauses mid-walk. The man wraps his arms around the woman, lifting and spinning her in the cold night air. Her toes dangle around his shins as she shrieks. She wraps her hands around his neck and draws him in for a passionate kiss.
I stare, breathless and heartsick as they linger over the kiss with their bodies pressed together. Their spontaneous moment stirs something within me, bolstering my confidence. I refuse to wait for my day to come. I’m ready to go after what I want.
“That’s what I want. I’m tired of boring guys who go from zero to the finish line in sixty seconds.” I look away from the couple, embarrassed to have eavesdropped on their public show of affection for so long. “I want a man to whisk me off my feet, kiss me senseless, and take me to bed,” I stammer. “I want to be ravaged like the women in trashy novels.”
But I don’t want just any man. I want someone who’ll take their time with me. Someone older with experience under the hood. I want Roman Wynters, but that’ll never happen. He’s eight years older, my brother’s best friend, and only interested in keeping my truck’s engine purring.
“Aw, Bea. It isn’t bad to want a night of passion so hot and steamy it peels the paint off the walls and turns the floor to lava. That’s the kind of toe-curling fun we deserve,” Maddie teases. She never hesitates to say what’s on her mind. “Who says we have to wait for Mr. Right to have fun? I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of playing by men’s rules.”
“Men like that don’t want girls like me. I mean, look at me.” My heart falls to my stomach. I’m a good girl through and through, from my elf cap to my jingle bell shoes. “Bad boys want bad girls. Girls who just want to have fun, if you know what I mean.”
“I’m so sick of double standards,” Noelle pipes up, her usual reserved demeanor replaced with prickly indignation. “Have you ever noticed how many magazines are devoted to all the ways to pleasure a man, how to keephimfrom straying, and, oh, my favorite...whatnotto say to keep him from bolting. The mere mention of a relationship, babies, or marriage is the equivalent of dropping the f-bomb in church.”
“Gurrl. Don’t get me started. We’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t.” Holly stifles a grin and throws a thumb in Jasper Winslow’s direction. He’s one of our bosses, and Holly loves to push his buttons. “Try working next to Mr. Grumpy every day. Men think we’re so fragile, but their egos....” she trails off, shaking her head.
“And they’re bossy,” I pipe in as irritation rises in my belly. “My brother and his best friend are the worst. Always bossing me around, telling me what I can and can’t do. All in the name of what’s best for me. Me.Iknow what’s best for me.”
I drill my index finger into my chest, thumping so hard I feel a bruise coming on. Maddie’s grin widens as her eyes shift around the group. She urges us closer, huddling us together with our arms folded around each other.
“What do you say, ladies? It’s time to take our power back and have a little no-strings fun. I’m tired of waiting for men to figure it out,” Maddie rallies, launching into coaching mode. “Men aren’t the only ones with wild oats to sow. We’re the boss of our bodies. We do this for ourselves. Are we naughty elves or pushovers?”
“I’m in.” Noelle’s eyes brighten and sparkle as a wicked smile plays across her lips. “No more lackluster sex and dating for me. Let’s go jingle bell naughty all the way.”
“Naughty elves, all the way.” Holly giggles as she nudges Hailey. “But Santa’s not stuffing my stocking with coal if you catch my snowdrift.”
Hailey hesitates. She hasn’t dated anyone since the night she caught her loser boyfriend cheating on her. I wouldn’t fault her for bailing on this idea Maddie’s hatched. Heck, I might join her and sit this one out, too.
“I’m in,” Hailey finally says with confidence.
If Hailey’s in, I’m in, too.
“I...I want to be on Santa’s naughty list this year,” I stammer. My face flushes with nervous energy as excitement rips through me, charging the air around our girl power group. “I’m tired of being bossed around. I want to do the bossing for a change.”
Look out, Roman. This naughty elf is coming for you.
