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I watch her leave the room before turning back to Dean. Before I do a full pivot, Dean swings a heavy right punch across my face and my head violently swings to one side. I stumble back, still able to keep my balance. I stay crouched below for a moment, attempting to register the impact of the blow. My eye is a bit blurry, and I can see the blood dripping from my lip. “Okay. I deserved that.” I say waving one hand up in the air in surrender. I brace myself for another punch, while slowly raising straight up.
I can see there is a predatory edge in his glare. It unnerves me to no end but I manage to keep my cool. It doesn’t help that I pretty much feel like shit already. I clear my throat, spit out the blood from my lip and grin, hoping to dispel the tension building between us before speaking.
“It’s nice to see you again, even though I never thought our next meeting would be under these circumstances?”My voice sounds hollow even to me.
Dean lets out an incredulous laugh.
“You’ve got some nerve, Liam. You’ve got guts. I must admit, I’m impressed.”
I blow out a sigh, reaching for a handkerchief in my pocket to wipe my mouth.
“Look, Dean. I realize you probably won’t ever forgive me. But please just hear me out?”
He snorts.“What is there to forgive? You betrayed my trust in you, Liam. You did everything I expected you would do but hoped you wouldn’t.”
That struck right in the gut but I try to keep a straight face despite how much his words hurt and how lowly he thinks of me.
“Ok. I’m not so glad I lived up to your expectations but I can explain. None of this was meant to happen.”
Before I can continue, he cuts me off harshly, grabbing me by the shoulders and pushing me against the wall beside my desk.“Don’t fucking tell me that, Liam! You’re a man and I expect you to take full responsibility for your actions. You fucked up! You fucked with my sister and now she’s pregnant! I’m not here to listen to you apologize. All I want is for you to agree to take responsibility for her and this baby you created!”
I try to fight the panic rising in me at his touch. The one thing I can’t do right now, is assume responsibility. It scares me to no end. I mean I do care for Lily, more than I ever thought I could care for someone. I think I love her but I can’t admit that yet. Accepting responsibility for her baby means a whole lot of things and a whole of changes. Changes that I’m definitely not ready for.
I sigh again, thinking of what I should say instead, but nothing comes to mind. Knowing Dean and his temper, my next words will determine if I still have a complete set of teeth and a fixed jaw after we get through talking. I sigh again, buying myself a few more seconds and irking Dean further in the process.“I love Lily!”I say, finally managing to find my voice.“That’s without any shadow of doubt. But—”I break off, swallowing heavily bracing myself for whatever comes next.“But I can’t raise a child. I’m not ready to be a father or a husband.”
His grip tightens briefly but he releases his grip upon hearing those words. After a moment’s consideration, a slow, almost reluctant, and sadistic smile forms on his lips as he tilts his head slightly to the side, studying me curiously then laughs hysterically.
“You’re kidding me, right? You’re joking? You’ve got to be joking?”
“Dean, I know you’re angry, but I just can’t do this. I’m not ready for it.”
“I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.”He says, his eyes darting towards the bottle of rum on the table.“You’re probably drunk and you’re not thinking straight. So you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna give you a day or two to think. To get your act and thoughts together. We’re still buddies so I won’t lose my shit with you just yet. Two days to think and then I’ll be back.”
He picks up the bottle of rum and takes a swig of his own.“Ah, good old rum.”
I watch him, feeling all the more sad and empty than when he came into my office but keeping my feelings and my emotions tightly bottled away.“Dean,”my voice cracks as I speak.“I’ve thought about this again and again. I’m willing to provide for the child at best. Give him or her all the money they need. Whatever Lily needs for a safe delivery, I will provide that. But I can’t be committed to her or the baby. Please understand.”
He laughs again, patting me on my shoulder. There’s that sinister grin once again on his lips.“You’re not thinking straight buddy so I’m not gonna get mad. I’m not gonna punch you anymore in the face or start beating the air out of your lungs, even though everything in me wants to end you right now. Two days…better yet, let's make it three. Three days is all I’m giving you to have a rethink. If I come back here and you’re still stubborn, It’s not going to be pleasant for either of us.”
He slams the bottle on the table with so much force I’m surprised it doesn’t break. He turns and marches out the door laughing hysterically as he does.
“Three days, Liam. You better be in your right senses when I’m back!”He seethes over his shoulder before disappearing down the hall in a flash.
I stand completely motionless, feeling every emotion I’ve been bottling inside since his appearance. I lean back against my desk and slide down until I’m sitting on the ground, burying my face in my hands. What have I done? Just what I have gotten myself into?
Chapter27
Lily
Arecurring cycle in my life is finally complete again, and you can pretty much guess what it is already. Only this time, it happened a lot faster and it hurts a lot more than it ever has. Meet some handsome dude and force myself to hate him. Eventually he sweeps me off my feet and I begin to make fairytale dreams of happy ever after with him, and then he takes those dreams and rips them into pieces along with my heart and soul.
The cycle just never ends. Christie keeps telling me I’ll get it right eventually but right now, there’s little evidence to convince me that I’m not cursed or something.
Maybe I’m Snow White– and my mom’s not my actual mom– but my stepmom, and she’s placed a curse on me that keeps making me have bad luck with men. Maybe I’m just terrible at making choices generally, but whatever it is, it’s left me with nothing but heartbreak and pain so far. My sobs fill the room as I stare numbly into the darkness around me. My dress and the bed sheets are soaked from tears and sweat, but I hardly notice because I’m too consumed with my own misery.
If I could cry harder, I think I might actually scream for help, for someone to do something about this pain I feel inside. It feels so ironic that just a few days ago, I was right where I am now— thinking about how much happiness I was feeling at the time and how easy it was for me to keep smiling. Right now, it’s the exact opposite. A perfect description of my life so far.
My best friend, Christie, sits on the edge of the bed watching silently while I sob into my pillow like a helpless toddler. She doesn’t say anything, instead wrapping her arms around me tightly to comfort me but unlike other times, nothing she says or does will ever be enough to lift my spirits even slightly. We stay like this for a long time, neither one willing to let the other go until my tears subside. At least I’ve managed to get it out of my system, although my eyes still sting from lack of sleep and a deep sense of exhaustion weighs down on every limb.
