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“Bastard, you look at me when I’m talking to you!” He snarls, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and dragging me up so I’m level with him. A small grunt escapes my throat as I’m forced to meet his angered gaze. I shove his hand off my shirt, trying to keep a calm expression even though I can feel my own rage building like an inferno inside of me.
“You bastard!” He shouts again. His hand flies at me as he lunges forward but I manage to catch it midair.
“Try that one more time and it’ll be the last thing you’ll ever do.” I growl, as I stare at him right between the eyes.
He makes a lunge for me once more, but this time he’s held back by the security guards.
“You two either calm yourselves or you’re gonna get thrown out of here.” The guard says sternly before giving us both a pointed look.
Dean struggles against the hold on his arm as he tries to free himself but fails. Finally, he stops fighting and nods, holding up his hands in surrender.
Right on time, the doctor walks into the waiting room, an unreadable expression on his aged features. We both rush towards him, pushing past the other patients in the waiting room.
He stops short before we reach him, turning towards us.
“Doctor, how is she?” Dean asks hurriedly.
The man sighs deeply, a heavy burden settling on his shoulders. I notice how frail and thin he is. A couple wrinkles line his forehead and creases line his skin.
“Well…”
He trails off before continuing after clearing his throat.
“She lost a lot of blood and unfortunately we found some internal bleeding. We will need to perform surgery to stop that bleeding.”
Dean visibly deflates as the doctor speaks. He looks ready to collapse and fall right over if not for the sturdy grips I give his upper arms to steady him.
“Is she gonna make it? And the baby?” Dean asks, desperation written on his face as he tries to readjust his focus to the present situation. The doctor shakes his head sadly, running a shaky hand through his wispy white hair. It sticks up wildly from all the stress of the day.
“We will do everything we can to save her and the baby.”
The worried look behind his professional smile conflicts with his words but there’s not much we can do anymore but wait.
We nod silently as the doctor heads towards the operating rooms. I glance back at Dean and see a blank expression on his face as he continues staring at his feet, looking shell shocked. Maybe the realization that he may have cost his only sister, her child —or worse off—her life, finally sinks into him. I can’t help feeling a stab of pity for him but even more worried about Lily. If anything happens to her or the baby, I’m not so sure I’d ever be able to forgive myself. I return back to the chair and slump down in it, leaning my head back. I resort to something I have never truly done before:
“Please, God, if you’re out there and you can hear me. Let Lily be fine. Her and our baby.”I pray, closing my eyes.“Keep them safe. Let them BOTH make it out of this alive.”
*****
A few hours pass and finally, I'm allowed to go in and see her. Luckily, Dean is nowhere around as I'm pretty sure he'd refuse to let me anywhere near her. I take slow, languid steps as I approach her, the dreaded beeping sound from the EKG and other machines, filling the silence. Her body lays motionless on the gurney, her skin pale, eyes closed, chest rising slowly in and out with each breath.
I step up beside the bed and place a gentle hand on hers. It's freezing cold, her fingers feel like ice against my warm skin and for the first time in forever, I feel tears prickle at my eyes. I blink them away, trying desperately to suppress the drops threatening to escape. I shouldn't feel so powerless. The thought of my beautiful, vibrant Lily lying unconscious, unable to move, fighting for her life and knowing that I'm very much responsible for the chain of events that put her in this condition, is just too much for me to handle. I'm not used to having to feel so helpless and afraid all of a sudden.
I don't say anything, choosing to stay silent as I watch her in fear and sadness. I lean closer towards the bed and gently brush away a strand of hair from her face, trying to ignore the slight twinge in my heart when I see the tiny beads of sweat running down her brow, her breathing very much shallow. I lean back, letting out a deep sigh and rubbing my temples with the tips of my fingers, trying to will the thoughts of losing her out of my mind. Memories from what feels like a lifetime ago float through my memory and I allow myself to indulge in the comfort of their soothing familiarity.
There it is. The tears begin falling uncontrollably as I recall every single moment we had spent together in Paris and back here in New York.
“Please Lily, you've got to make it out of this for me. I'm never gonna be able to forgive myself if anything happens to you or this baby.” I sob quietly. I grab her hand, squeezing it lightly as I run my thumb across her knuckles and squeeze it once more, hoping it'll somehow convey all of my love and support towards her.
“Please, keep fighting. Please. For us..for me. Please.” I mumble through the lump forming in my throat as I stare up at her with tear filled eyes, pleading for her to stay alive and well, despite how scared and desperate I feel right now. I bring her limp hand to my lips and kiss it gently.
I try my hardest to memorize every little feature of her face. Her hair, those lovely curls cascading down her face and hiding her peaceful expression. Her eyelashes fluttering occasionally, her rosy cheeks that always seem to light up any room she walks into. I wish I could get the chance to tell her how much I love her. Let her know how much I care for her and how sorry I am about everything. How foolish I feel for refusing to take responsibility for her and our child. How foolish I feel for not making her mine when I had the chance to.
“Just one more chance.” I beg softly as my voice breaks a bit. I swallow, blinking rapidly as I wipe away the tears that are now spilling from my eyes. “Lily please…”
My voice fades off, unable to say anything else as the dam holding back the overwhelming emotions finally gives way, leaving me in absolute despair and hopelessness.
The door suddenly swings open, causing me to jump slightly as I lift my head, only to see Dean storming in.
