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Icrack my eyes open, tangled in a web of hazy sensations. The throbbing in my head settles into an annoying background hum, in sync with the beeping of the heart rate monitor beside my bed. Sounds trickle in, distant and hushed. My limbs protest any movement, heavy and unresponsive. The air hangs thick with an unspoken weight, and I struggle to piece together the fragments of consciousness, like trying to catch whispers in the wind.
“Lily?” A female voice calls out from beyond the blur, “She’s awake. Call the doctor!”
I squint, and finally see someone standing over me. My vision is still hazy, and it takes several minutes for everything to make sense. I stare at the woman hovering over me. She looks familiar. But the throbbing in my head drowns every thought into oblivion. I blink again, trying desperately to focus, and she takes another step forward. Her face comes into sharp focus as her blonde hair glints in the morning sun pouring through the window beside me. She smiles and I recognize her – my mom. The last face I expect to see right now. My eyes flutter close as the pain flares up again.
I can hear noises around me but I can’t make out what is being said. I force my eyes open again and this time manage to keep them open for longer than a few seconds.
“Mom?” I whisper, her face coming into full view. She smiles wider when she hears her name. I smile back weakly, feeling dizzy from blood loss. “How long have I been here?”
“Nearly a week. Thank goodness you’re finally awake. I was worried sick.” She replies.
Despite the throbbing in my head and how clouded my thoughts and memories are, I’m pretty sure my mom is the last person who would be worried about my well-being. I raise a hand slowly off of the white hospital sheet covering me and reach towards her. She sees my hand moving, though, and holds them back. “Where am I? What happened?”
My mom sighs and glances down at my limp form. “You should focus your energy on getting better, my love.” My love? Something must be wrong but I’m too weak to think right now or ask any more questions. She leans over me and kisses my forehead. There are tear tracks shining silver on her cheeks. My eyes flutter close again as I drift off again, her panicked, pleading voice ringing in my ears until sleep finds me once more.
Three days have passed since I first opened my eyes, and my health is now much more improved. To my surprise, my mom has been by my bedside all of those days. Now that I’ve gotten used to being upright again, she insists on watching me all day long, whether I want her there or not. It’s nice having her around, even though I still don’t understand what’s caused her change in attitude towards me and I can’t wait to ask.
“How are you feeling, Lily dear?” She asks, stroking my cheek with the back of her fingers.
I shrug, leaning away slightly from her gentle touch. “Better. I feel a lot better than before.”
“The doctor says at this rate, you should be out of here soon.”
“Thanks. I can’t wait. Where’s Dean?”
“Stepped out to get something to eat.” She dithers for a moment before she continues. “You should forgive your brother. I know he is so incredibly sorry for what happened, but everything he did, he did because he loves you.”
I look down at my hands, which rest between my legs, folded neatly in my lap. I try to hide my disappointment, but it doesn’t seem to work. The irony in the words though. She should be asking for my forgiveness for the pain she’s put me through, not asking me to forgive Dean who I have absolutely nothing against.
“I know what’s troubling you.” My mother murmurs, pulling me closer to her. “I’m the one who needs your forgiveness most.”
I nod. My lips curl upwards, but it doesn’t reach my eyes.
“I know I’ve not been the best mom to you. I know you probably hate me more than anything else in the world too. And you may never be able to forgive me, but I want you to know that I do love you a lot.”
Hasn’t felt like it all my life but I restrain myself from saying anything in response, waiting for her to finish.
“It just hurt so much to watch your father shower you with all the love and affection he once showed me. And I know it’s not your fault, I cheated on him many times and that broke us apart. It was terrible of me to do the things I’ve done to you but I felt so alone. Dean was never around and you always had your dad’s attention, and I resented you for it. Though it was my fault, I kept blaming you for ruining my marriage. That was the only way I could keep living without hating myself.”
Hearing her talk leaves me speechless, shocked into silence. I try to find the right words to say but nothing comes to mind, so instead I let my tears flow freely into the fabric of my hospital gown. Mom breaks into sobs and pulls me to her chest. I bury my face in her shoulder and cry along with her. My first real mother-and-daughter moment with her in over twenty years.
“I forgive you, mom. And I’m sorry you felt alone all those years.” I tell her. I lean back a little so I can meet her gaze. “You’re still my mom. You always will be.”
“Thanks, Lily. Our first mother-and-daughter moment. I’m sorry it took this long for us.”
“It’s not too late to make it right.” I say, beaming and feeling the warmth of the moment.
“Of course.” She sniffles, wiping her nose with her shirt cuff. I laugh, feeling a lot lighter than I’ve felt in forever.
Dean walks in on us with two paper bags in hand, and I notice him glance between my mom and I with concern etched on his face.
“Everything alright?” He asks tentatively, setting down the bag he brought next to me. He reaches across and pats my arm softly. His fingertips brush the IV needle taped to the crook of my elbow and I wince a bit.
“Yeah. we’re good. Better than ever.”
His gaze shifts to my mom and she nods with a smile. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head. The gears are obviously working overtime, trying to figure out what’s happening.
“I finally have my mom back.” I say softly, smiling up at her and reaching out to squeeze her hand. She beams at me and hugs me tightly, burying her face in my hair. Dean joins in the embrace and I chuckle a bit, wrapping my arms around both of them in return. “Thank you both,” I say after a while. They pull away, and I turn to Dean.
