AllFreeNovel
Share Us
PROLOGUE
ALEX
When is love enough? When will I ever be enough?
I stare at the vase of flowers he left on the table and the note beside them. My eyes tear up as, ironically, “Flowers” by Lauren Spencer Smith blasts through the speakers in my bedroom. I don’t want to read it. I don’t want the apologies. If he loved me, he would be here with his arms wrapped around me as my tears fall. He would catch them and whisper, “Beautiful girls don’t cry, Angel.”
Why isn’t he here to remind me?
What the fuck is wrong with me? Everywhere I go, darkness follows. I try and try to be my best self and with Kohen, I was, wasn’t I?Who the fuck are you kidding, Alex? You are a broken doll, no one wants to play with a broken doll.I feel like I deserve this after the constant flow of mistakes I’ve made in my life. Why couldn’t I just let someone love me? Instead, I sabotage anything that looks like happiness and sunshine, yet that’s all I want; all I’ve ever wanted.
Every time I fight the waves and try to catch my breath, the deeper down I’m plunged into dark waters, the vicious cycle never ends.
I’m like Alice in Wonderland, wandering around in a fairytale land that’s only twisted and corrupt. Every time I think I’m figuring my way out of this labyrinth, I’m right back at the beginning, suffering more loss and heartache.
I scream at the top of my lungs for help, but of course, no one hears me. All I have is this emptiness…no one, and nothing, and it’s all my fault. Will it always be this way? I bet we could have been happy; if anyone could’ve succeeded in making me truly happy, it would’ve been him.
I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my wet lashes touch the tops of my cheeks, I beg the tears to stop falling. But, like me, they’re stubborn and they don’t listen. All I can do is open them again, look out the window, and stare up at the moon praying someone or something up there hears my broken heart’s plea.
The sound of a fist meeting the wood of my front door startles me; probably my Tinder match. What’s the saying? The best way to get over a guy is to get under another. I shout, “Just a minute,” at the door, run into the restroom to check my appearance, and put my bad bitch face on. I smile, almost sadistically in the mirror at myself. “Let’s do this shit, Alex. You have played this role several times.” One more heartache won’t break us.
Like the Mad Hatter told Alice, I tell myself, “We’re all mad here.” I turn the light off and make my way to the door to meet my next victim.Damn, I’m toxic.
1
ALEX
Isit here waiting for class to start, and all my brain is focusing on is how much I hate my first name. It’s a boy’s name and it isn’t even short for anything. What the hell was my mother thinking? It’s a random thought but, I have tons of those, thank you ADHD. My phone chimes in my purse and right on time, it’s Cora for her afternoon check-in. I roll my eyes as if I don’t love the check-ins. I’m lucky she loves my crazy ass, she is too good of a friend to me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve her.
She loves every piece of the angry, fucked up mess that I am, and I don’t show her how much I love her enough! Cora is the calm to my storm. She knows what to say to defuse the bomb that is Alex Monroe.
I open up the text thread and see a gif of two girls partying, which can only mean one thing: she got us into a frat party. We are freshmen in college, and she is determined to get in with the upperclassmen. We haven’t been to a party since our Junior year of high school, but we made a pact recently to live our lives to the fullest. It proves to be a little hard because we used to have another best friend that should be doing all these things with us. The three of us were inseparable but she passed away tragically that year.
Cora: Alex guess what?
Me: what?
Cora: I said guess ?
Me: You bought a pony?
Cora: Alex :/
Me: okay sorry what?
Cora: We got invited to Edward’s friend's party!!!!!!
Me: oh em gee! girl for serious?!!!
Cora: Alex Monroe, I’m gonna kick you in the pants.
My timer goes off on my phone to alert me that I have five minutes to get to class so I shoot her a quick text while I walk there.
Me: I’m just teasing Cinderella, don't lose your glass slipper, I gtg, class.
She already knows not to message me when I’m in class. The way my crazy brain is set up, if she texts me I’ll be anxious about responding the whole time.Yay, trauma!
I walk into my class and some dude bumps into me in a rush out the door, causing me to knock into the door frame. I rush to grab the elbow I hit as if that could aid the shooting pain to my funny bone, and spill the entire contents of my purse in the process. He doesn’t so much as look back to see if I’m okay as he rushes down the hallway and out the double doors to the courtyard. I’m instantly pissed and more so embarrassed that everyone is just staring at my dumb ass and whispering about how pathetic I must be.
