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I’m happy that everything went down the way it did. I wouldn’t change a thing. I was able to take a step forward, even though it felt like a step back. It reminded me that it’s okay to live a little. Maybe not to blackout state, though.
I just can’t seem to get Kohen out of my head. If he liked me, he would have texted me by now, right? I don’t know why but I find my mind wandering to thoughts of what he looks like, what I liked about him, what his voice sounded like. I know I liked X. I know I liked so many things about him. What was so special about Kohen that I would ditch X for him? He must be fine as fuck! God, I’m so fucked up. Why do I keep thinking so much about a guy I don’t even remember meeting? There are two texts in a thread between us, but no way am I making the first move.
K: hey it’s kohen
K: save my number, you know you want it.
Me: yeah, yeah, I know YOU want THIS.
That's it. Those are the texts. What the hell is wrong with me? I ask myself this question all the time. What in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with me? Clearly, I lost my mind that night. A small part of me wants to text him and figure out if he remembers me. If he can tell me anything else that happened and, better yet, find out what the hell he looks like! I can’t bring myself to do it, though. Part of me is still super annoyed by him and the fact that he assumed I wanted his number. I lock my phone and roll my eyes. My phone vibrates. My heart races with excitement, I look at it so fast, hoping it’s Kohen but it’s just X.
Xzavien: hey gorgeous.
Me: hey X, what's up?
Xzavien: haven’t heard from you since the party, just seeing what you were up to. We should get lunch soon.
Me: sure! I’d love to. Don't h8 me?
Xzavien: of course, not gorgeous. Why would I h8 you??
I breathe a sigh of relief as I respond.
Me: oh, idk because I blacked out and ruined the fun at that party.
Xzavien: nah babe. you just made it a lot more interesting.
Babe? Why did he have to call mebabe?It gives me the ick. It’s like a staked claim. And I belong to no one.
Danielle pops into my mind right at that moment and I open our text thread. It’s been good catching up with her, but I can only take her in small doses. She has big energy, and it can be a lot sometimes.
Me: hey ho, what you up to?
DD: nothing much. just headed to the beach wanna come?
ME: you don’t have class?
DD: yeah, but fuck class YOLO
ME: my YOLO days are over, we did enough of that in middle school, lol how are we even alive?
DD: no idea lol, suit yourself BORING. always gotta be a scared little bitch
DD: Jk don’t get your panties in a wad.
I don’t respond. This is part of why I stopped hanging out with her. The party never stops and I find myself lost as fuck, just drunk all day every day with her. I don’t want to miss my classes. I’m looking forward to them and the goals I laid out for myself. Where Danielle is…trouble follows, and that’s just something I’m not trying to be mixed up in anymore.
I block her number because that’s a black hole the white rabbit will definitely pull me into. Might as well remove all the temptation together. She always has the ability to rile me up, even when we were kids. Not anymore. I’m on a road to recovery and I don’t want to give anyone this kind of power over me anymore. I got into a lot of shit when we were young from that type of manipulation. I won’t be opening that can of worms.
I text Cora to let her know and start to make my way to my next class. While I walk, I change Kohen’s contact info in my phone from Hot Guy with a K, to Kohen.
I silence my phone right as Professor Watkins begins to speak. I can't help but notice this really good-looking guy staring at me. Maybe I recognize him from another class.
He looks really familiar, but I know I've never met him. I look right at him as he looks right at me and I'm not looking away first, so we kind of just stare each other down. He smirks as if he already knows I'm difficult. I see a hint of a dimple on his left cheek. He looks so cute.
He looks away first and I feel like I won some sort of trophy as if we were playing the staring game. I'm such a dork, but I want to make sure that he knows I'm not some shy girl and I wasn't going to back down.
I look at my professor and then open my laptop. Just then, my phone vibrates and I'm sure it's Cora, so I just hit the volume button to ignore it. I look up to see the guy staring at me intensely. He has the most amazing hazel eyes. Eyes I could melt in.
