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Why is he being so quiet?
What is he thinking?
I said too much.
Way too much.
He’s probably regretting what we did last night. Right now, he’s wondering how he can get his needy, overbearing ex out of his office. He’s wondering how he can let me down softly, because I’m Carly’s friend and he doesn’t want her to slap him in a few months, when the Manning’s all get together for Christmas.
Way to go, Gemma.
Way to freaking pull him to you after a fun, carefree night, and then make it into something as wide and tall as the mountain towering at the edge of town.
It was just a couple kisses.
But, at least I voiced my truth, as ugly and dorky as it may sound. I really don’t hook up just for fun. I don't even know what that would feel like.
Parker seems to be some sort of expert, though. I need him to know that I’m not up for some meaningless fling. That’s not how I roll. It’s not how I’m wired, as Carly so directly pointed out to me on the phone a few hours ago.
He runs his thumb over the bandage, working it so it’s securely sealed to my skin.
“Say something,” I whisper.
“Gemma…” He stops working the Bandaid and looks up at me again. “I would never have kissed you unless it meant something to me, too.”
My breath hitches.
He rocks back on his heels. “We both fell in love, back when we were younger. We both know how intense it was. You think I’d just mess around with you, knowing how deep this connection is?”
“If it’s—” Shoot, why is it this hard to speak?
I gulp, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. My vocal cords are tight. My lips twist into a frown, and my chin starts to quiver. “If our connection was that deep, why did you break it off?”
Hot, wet tears glisten in my eyes.
Now I understand the frown that’s taken my lips hostage. I lift the back of my hand and press it to my nose. Great, now I’m covered in sweat and drool, and I’m turning into a crying, runny-nose mess.
I can’t help it, though.
All the vulnerability and rawness I’ve let myself share with Parker for the past twelve hours worked away layers of defenses. All that’s left right now is hurt.
“I l-loved you, and you loved me, and you left.” My voice shakes, and tears spill over my lower lids and snake down my cheek.
He gently parts my knees and fits himself inside. He reaches up to swipe his finger along my cheek, drying a tear. “I left because I had to. You were so smart. So driven. Soyoung. You had everything in front of you. The college scholarships. The potential. The big plans. And I had big plans, too. I wanted to go big with my tennis playing. I couldn’t see how we’d make it all work. I wanted you to have everything you dreamed of.”
“But I didn’t haveyou. And you were what I wanted.” More tears stream down my cheeks. His fingers can’t move fast enough to clear them away, but he tries. Soon he’s cupping my wet face with his palm.
“Gem, I swear, I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted you to be happy.”
“It did. It hurt.”
“I’m sorry.”
He’s sorry.
That’s what I needed to hear. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear it, until right this instant.
“You are? Really?”
