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“I don’t want one,” I say.
He nods and sits back down, placing the mug on the coffee table. He reaches over and takes my hand, clasping it between his.
“I’ll tell the kids that I’m going on a business trip,” he says calmly. “I’ll stay at my dad’s for the week. That will give us some time to talk about things.”
I don’t pull my hand from his. I relish in the warmth it gives me.
“This isn’t permanent, Luna. We can work this out. I’ll go to counseling or…or whatever you want. But I’m not letting you go.” His voice cracks again and I’m surprised either of us has any strength to talk. “I’m going to go into the office on Monday and take a little time off. The case is finished and there’s nothing pressing. I’ll tell Howard I have a family emergency.”
“That’s not necessary,” I reply.
“It is. We’ll use the time alone while the kids are at school to just be together and work it out.”
I shake my head slowly from side to side. “It’s going to take more than a few days to work things out.”
“Fine. then I’ll take off however long we need. I’ll take a sabbatical if I have to.”
“You don’t understand, Roman.” I yank my hand from his and stand. “You can take off a lifetime and it won’t be long enough. This can’t be mended. We are broken beyond repair.”
I pace around the room and begin picking up toys that sit on the floor. Poppy’s baby doll sits in its stroller, the hair frizzy and tangled from her attempts at playing beauty shop.
“Don’t say that,” he begs. “We can and we will. We owe it to ourselves to make it right. It’ll never be like this again. You’ll see.”
I stop and find myself standing at the table where the plate of food he prepared for me sits. I pick it up with trembling hands and slam it against the floor.
“We’re done!” I scream. “You can’t fix this. You cheated. You broke your vows and I’d be a fool to stick around and wait for you to do it again!”
He jumps to his feet and rushes over to me. He drops to his knees and grabs ahold of my hands.
“I’m sorry. I’ll never let anything like that happen again. I was so stupid and it’s the biggest regret of my life. Just…just let me make it right.”
He’s crying harder now and I can see that he’s kneeling in the broken shards of the plate.
“Get up, Roman. You’re going to cut yourself.”
“I don’t care. I want to bleed. I want you to see that I only bleed for you. Nothing and no one matters more. I’ll give you every last drop of my blood, my every last breath to prove that you’re the only one I want forever with.”
I tear my hands from his and walk over to grab the broom and dustpan. All I can focus on right now is cleaning up this mess before the kids come home. It’s my job to keep them safe and give the illusion that everything is just fine.
A skill I’ve practiced and perfected.
Roman watches me from the same spot as he sits back on his haunches. I can feel his eyes tracking my every move but I don’t dare look at him.
I fall into the rhythm of sweeping the broom back and forth, and watch as the pieces —food and plate— gather into a jumbled heap. I scoop it all in the dust pan, take it to the trash can and dump it before putting the broom away.
I walk past Roman as if he’s not there and go upstairs. In our bathroom I put on a bit of tinted moisturizer to help erase the evidence of my crying and lack of sleep. It helps very little as my eyes remain red rimmed and swollen.
I dig through my nightstand and pull out my reading glasses. I only wear them at night but they’ll mask my eyes enough to hopefully not have my parents questioning me.
I twist my hair in a sloppy bun and start to amble towards the hall when Roman steps in. He closes the door behind him and I hear the soft snick of the lock.
“Please unlock the door. My parents will be here soon,” I tell him on a sigh but he ignores me.
Instead, he creeps to where I stand until we’re so close that my breasts just skim his chest. The contact makes my nipples harden and I can tell he feels them.
His hands skate up my arms, from my hands to my shoulders and into my hair. He massages my scalp and pulls it free from the rubber-band holding it up.
“Roman, what are you doing?” My voice is a cracked whisper.
