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“Hey little man. I need you to take good care of your sisters and help mommy while I’m gone this week. Okay? Can you do that for me?”
He looks at me with his big hazel eyes that look so much like mine and says, “okay daddy. I promise.”
I recognize the way my son wants to be just like me and if the love of my wife isn’t enough to get me to change my ways, this kid right here is. I want him to grow up and treat a woman with love and respect, and he can only do that by having an example of what a real man should act like.
“Thanks, buddy. I need you to do one more thing for me,” I say and he nods. “At night, I need you to give mommy hugs and two kisses. One from you and one from me. I don’t want her to go to bed sad. Yeah?”
“I’ll give her the biggest hug and biggest kiss ever ‘cause you’re big.”
“That’s right. Good night, son. I love you and I’ll see you in a few days.”
I lean over and kiss his forehead. He wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes.
“Love you too daddy.” His voice is muffled with his head buried in my shoulder.
I turn off his lamp and walk into the girls room to find the three of them laughing and whispering. Three matching smiles light up my world when they look at me.
“What’s going on here?” I ask and join them on Poppy’s bed.
“Nuffin’” Poppy says, but her mischievous look tells me something different.
“Hmm. That sounds…suspicious.” I narrow my eyes at them. “I guess I’ll have to tickle it out of you.”
I dig into their sides with my fingers and they giggle and squirm, feet kicking and heads thrown back. I give them sloppy kisses and pull away when they beg me to stop. They’re out of breath and their cheeks are rosy pink from the exertion.
“Into bed with you two.” I pull back the covers and Poppy crawls in.
I tuck her tight, kiss her little lips, and boop her on her button nose.
I move to Helene’s bed where she sits against the creamy, tufted headboard, a huge smile on her face.
When I bend to hug her, I whisper in her ear, “be good for mommy and I’ll see you in a few days. I love you, my beauty.”
She hugs back and whispers, “I love you daddy. Please hurry home.”
My sensitive girl's voice trembles and I squeeze her a little tighter. I release her and turn off the lamp that sits on the nightstand between the matching beds.
Luna gives each girl a hug and kiss and whispers “I love you’s” in their ears.
She walks towards the door and I grab her hand and lead her to our bedroom. I shut the door and watch her make her way into our closet. I follow her in and again, close the door.
She signs and says, “you should go, Roman. I’m sure your dad and Paula are waiting up for you.”
“They can wait a little longer.” I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her tight with her back to my chest. “I’m so, so sorry Luna. I’m going to change. I’m going to be a better man for you. Just please…don’t leave me,” I choke out.
“Roman. Too much has happened and this last thing…I just don’t know if I can forgive you.” She pulls out of my embrace and opens a drawer from the large dresser that stands in the middle of the large space.
“Please? I’ll do anything. Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.” I stand next to her and glide my fingers through her hair, skimming her neck as I do.
Dark circles hang under her eyes and I can see they are the slightest bit swollen.I did that.
God. I just want to kick my own ass. I want to go back in time and stop myself before I let Angela worm her way into my head. I let my guard down and let the primal part of me take over. All I thought about was feeling good for a minute and forgot about what it could mean for the years to come.
One minute for a lifetime of hurt.
I let myself be the kind of man I’ve always despised. The kind of man I vowed to never be. I despise myself.
“Will you let me try?” I ask.
