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I chew on my lip, not sure what the right thing to do is. She’s right that we could both use a little cool down before we talk, but I worry that this will only intensify his anger.
I can’t think of him. I always think of him first, kids second and me last. I need to make myself a priority, because the way I’ve been doing it isn’t working. He may be mad but it’ll be better in the morning.
“Okay. I’ll stay over tonight. But I have to be home early. My parents are bringing the kids after lunch and I don’t want them to be there when we inevitably fight.”
“Good. Let’s finish this drink and we’ll head out.” She picks up her cocktail and takes a sip.
“I’m going to text Rome and just let him know.”
I pull up my text app and send a message to my husband with nervous fingers.
Me: I’m going to stay the night with Dani. Be home in the morning. Talk then.
Rome: No. Please Luna. Just come home now.
Me: I think we both need some time to cool down.
Rome: Dammit Luna. Get. Home. Now!
There it is. The barking command. I can practically hear his snarky tone as he orders me around. The all too familiar voice that tells me to ‘quit arguing and just do it’,and ‘why do you have to be such a bitch?’.
His hands may not hurt me, but his words have always done a fine job at that.
“What’d he say?” Dani asks, finishing her drink.
With a sigh, I tell here, “Oh, you know. The usual. Do as I say, not as I do.”
“Dammit Luna,” she says, doing a damn good impression of my husband. “Amiright!”
“You sure are my friend. He ordered me to get home. Now more than before I just want to go back to your place and sleep.”
“Then let’s go.”
She mimes to the bartender for her credit card and the bill. Once it’s signed, we hop off our stools and she links her arm with mine.
“Bitch, you know you’re my soulmate, right?” Her lopsided smile warms my heart.
“I know, D. I know. And you’re mine.” I pat her hand and walk to where our cars sit.
Dani lent me some sweats and a t-shirt once we were back at her place, and she hugged me before I shuffled off to her guest bedroom. I cozied up under her fluffy down comforter and stared through the slats of the blinds that I left open. The moonlight filtered in, casting shadows across the walls.
I refuse to sleep in darkness tonight. I need the small sliver of light to keep me from drowning in my sobs like I often do when the blackness falls. Sometimes it’s the black of night that hides my tears, and other times it's the pitch black of my closet behind a closed door.
But tonight, I won’t let myself fall. Tomorrow will bring a new wave of sorrow and anger and I just know, without a doubt, a new level of loneliness like I’ve never felt before.
I close my eyes and pray for sleep when my phone buzzes on the nightstand. I huff out a gush of air and debate on whether or not to answer it.
I give in and reach over, slide the bar at the bottom of the screen and bring the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I croak.
“Luna. Please come home, baby. I’m sorry.” Roman’s voice is broken and slurred.
“Rome, just go to sleep and we can talk in the morning. You’ve obviously been drinking more and it’s best if you sleep it off.”
“No!” He shouts, and I hear something slam. “I need you…I need you to come home. I can’t sleep without you.”
I toss my head back on the pillow and take a deep breath in and out.
