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I liked this look on him. Rattled by me.
“What about that list of yours?” he gritted out.
“What about it?”
“Is it real? You’re going to work through it?”
“Not with you. That ship sailed.”
He swore and echoed my position, planting his elbows on his knees and steepling his hands.
I gave an incredulous laugh, amazed by the sharp turn the conversation had taken. “Regretting your choices over there?”
His gaze travelled over me, something so compelling, almost desperate in it that I shivered.
“No.”
A burst of unhappiness let loose in my chest. Just like last night, he’d turned me down, and even though I hadn’t been offering, it doubled down on the rejection I was attempting not to feel.
That deeply unpleasant sensation I’d had since childhood.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and protect myself from him. Worse, I couldn’t stop it or contain it. It stunned me to silence.
In my twenty years and one day on the planet, I’d never gone on a date, never asked anyone out. So being pushed away wasn’t familiar, except from being a child with shitty parents.
I swallowed, working it through in my head and trying to regain control. He’d been a test only. Nothing more. I could use that.
“Can I ask you something?” I managed, calmer. “When I kissed you, what did I do wrong? I mean, in terms of technique.”
“Christ, woman. It wasnae bad.”
“I disagree. You told me so.”
“I liked the kiss, Ariel. If I’d known it was your first, things would have been different.”
“Tell me how I could’ve been better,” I whispered.
“No.”
“Why not? Considering all that’s happening to me, I really could use something good.”
“Ye don’t want me.”
“You’re right. I don’t. Not now. But I still want to improve at what we did together.”
He watched me, then slowly sat back, his legs wide and his body open. Something switched in his expression and posture, like he’d lost an internal war. “If ye don’t believe me, I’ll show ye. Come here.”
I held my breath, waiting for him to give up the pretence. The dare he was hoping I’d fail.
But I never backed down and didn’t intend to now.
Cautiously, and on shaky limbs, I stood. I’d thought myself the confident one, but now I wasn’t so sure. Equally, he watched my approach with a mix of trepidation and utter want.
What the hell should I do? Straddle him?
I couldn’t do that. Instead, I knelt on the sofa next to him. Put my hand on his arm, my heart racing at the small touch alone.
With an impatient grumble, Jackson took hold of my waist and lifted me, setting me down on his lap. Then he cupped my cheek and brought me in.
