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“I think it matters.”
“Well, it doesn’t,” she barked, stepping backward—away from me. “It matters to me.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know if I even needed to. It seemed…disrespectful to Claire somehow. It was her secret too, you know. And she had more at stake than me. She was a married woman. Part of me wondered if she had told you and…”
“Stop.” She held up a firm hand. “Just stop talking. You always find the right thing to say, and I always fall for it. And in the end…I’m always the one who gets hurt.”
“Lana, that was years ago. It’s ancient history, and it meant nothing. Ask Claire…”
“It’s over,” she said sternly, cutting me off. “I swore I would never let you make me feel this way again, and you promised you never would. Now…here we are.”
“This isn’t the same as what happened in high school,” I insisted. But as I studied the look on her face, I knew it was too late. Her mind was made up, and nothing I did or said was going to change it.
“This is just perfect,” I said with a bitter laugh. “You found it. You found your out. You’ve been looking for it this whole time…”
“I’ve been looking for some validation to remind me why I knew I could never trust you!” she yelled. “And you’re right. I sure did find it. Don’t you dare try to pin any part of this on me.”
“I know you’re hurt,” I offered, trying to reach for her, but she was quick to turn her back. I kept going anyway, even if it was hopeless. “I know you’re hurt, but think about this, Lana. Think about what really happened here. You’re mad because of something that happened years ago when I didn’t even think I’d see you again. I didn’t know how you really felt, and I certainly never thought any of this would happen. It’s the past, Lana. All the things you hate me for are in the past. Why can’t you just be here with me, right now?”
“Because who you are right now is the kind of guy who would hook up with a married woman! Who you are right here, right now, is a womanizer who is going to leave me humiliated and brokenhearted, just like Chris has done to Claire.”
“I am nothing like Chris,” I defended in disbelief. How could she stoop so low?
“How!? How are you any different!? You think I just want to be another notch in your belt? Right next to my best friend and every other woman in town.”
“I’m different because you’re different. Sure, if you weren’t here, I would be running around doing all sorts of things that were bad for me and the people around me…like making out with married women, which I promise you…is not something I’m proud of. But you…you give me a reason not to do all of that. You remind me why it matters, why I can be better.”
“And when I can’t do that for you anymore?” she asked with tears in her eyes. “When I’m on my deathbed or in a wheelchair…just like Claire is now, and I can’t be that for you anymore…What then?”
I dropped down to my knees in front of her, on the verge of desperate tears. “Lana, baby…please…”
“Don’t ‘Lana, baby, please’ me!” she scoffed, pulling her hands away from me. “I am not your baby. I’m not anyone’s baby.”
“The past couple of months with you have been the best of my life,” I tried to explain. “You have to understand that before you came back…I didn’t have anything in my future. I didn’t want anything because nothing seemed worth wanting. I just wanted to get through the days and drown my boredom at Jake’s every night.”
“With whatever woman showed up and would have you,” she seethed, shaking her head. She turned her face, unable to look at me.
“Yeah, if I’m being honest. You’re right. But all of that changed when you showed up. Not just because I’m falling in love with you. You brought this marina back to life. You lit a fire under me in every part of my life. You make me a better man. So, you wanna know what I would do if you were on your deathbed or in a wheelchair? I would put everything in my life on pause and be there for you. Hell, I’d do that now if you asked. I wouldn’t have much of anything without you. So what good is any of it if you’re not with me?”
Her face twisted in pain and confusion. “Wait. What did you just say?”
“I said everything is useless to me without you.”
“No. Before that.”
I rose to my feet and reached for her hands again. “I’m falling in love with you.” I ran a hand down my face in exasperation. “Who am I kidding? I’m past falling. I’m in it right now. I love you, Lana Miller. I think you’re the one for me.”
Her eyes dropped to the floor, and she swallowed hard. “Just my luck,” she rasped. “I always liked the idea of ‘the one.’ And yeah, Keith. If it’s true…I think you’re the one for me, too. It just sucks that it’s impossible for me to be with the person who was meant for me. I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. I always figured I was meant to be alone. So, this makes sense.”
“It’s not impossible,” I defended vehemently. “I’m standing right here, Lana. And I’m all yours. The only thing stopping us from being together is you.”
“Maybe you’re right. It’s me. Only because I promised myself more than once when I was a kid that I was never going to beg anyone for their love. I wasn’t going to risk getting hurt. I have Claire and other people who care about me. I have my work, and, most importantly, I have myself. I’m not going to give up on all of that just so you can hurt me.”
“I would never ask you to give up anything. Name one thing I’ve done since we started seeing each other that’s hurt you. I know you can’t. Because the second I found out I stood a real chance with you, I’ve been doing everything I can to fight for it. For you, for us.”
“Except tell me the truth,” she argued. “You could have come clean about the thing with Claire. But you know, it doesn’t matter. The truth is…you make me feel insecure. I don’t feel like I can trust you. And if I ignore that…I know it’s going to eat me up inside, and I won’t have anything left to give to everything else in my life. I’ve seen it happen to too many other people. I’m not going to let that happen to me.”
“I’ll change your mind,” I insisted.
