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The sound of the chirping crickets swelled and did their best to fill the heavy silence that had fallen between us, until Derek had finally found more words to say.
“So, uh…the guys at the site told me Lana has stopped showing up at the marina. You have any idea what that’s all about?”
Even though her name went through my mind at least a hundred times a day, hearing someone else say it out loud was like a knife to my heart.
“No,” I replied, only half-lying. Obviously, she was pissed at me. But in addition to not wanting to discuss it with him, I didn’t fully understand her reasons, so it was kind of the truth.
“I wanted to talk to you about the marina, actually,” I added.
“Oh boy. Here we go,” he sighed, pulling the baseball cap from his head.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Let me guess. It’s not working out,” he huffed. “I knew this whole thing was just going to turn into a big mess.”
I let out a soft, bitter laugh and took a moment to gather my words.
“Why’s that, Derek? Because I was in charge of it?”
“You had Lana’s help. The minute I heard rumors that she wasn’t coming around, I knew the whole thing was done for.”
I slumped in silence, feeling heavier than I ever had before. I had an inkling of what everyone thought about me, my own brother included. But hearing him say it out loud was a whole new blow to my system. I had to decide if it was even worth it to argue with him. After all, what else was he supposed to think about me?
Instead of making so many promises to Lana, I should have spent more time proving to her that I could change. That I had changed—for her. Maybe if I had spent more time doing that, I would have thought to confess what happened with Claire. I didn’t know if she would have listened, even if I did. But none of that mattered now. What was done was done.
Words weren’t going to help me anymore with Derek than they had with her. It wasn’t worth digging myself into a hole trying to defend myself to him. Before I could prove anything to him or to anyone, I had to prove it to myself.
“It’s not done for,” I said sternly. “Actually, what I wanted to talk to you about…is that I promoted one of the guys at Mullins Construction to take my place. I handed off my shifts at the fire station, too. I don’t know if Lana will be coming back to oversee the day-to-day, but at least for now…I plan on picking up the slack. I’m going to make sure the grand opening happens on time.”
He stood there for a moment and took it all in.
“You’re giving everything up for that place?”
“I don’t know if I’d put it that way. Granddaddy left that place to me. I should have stepped up to the task a long time ago. Maybe I could have found a way to make it work even without Lana. But…it is what it is. This is how the cards played out, and I’m going to do what I have to do.” I hesitated for a moment, then decided to go ahead and get it out. “It’d mean a lot if I had your support.”
“My support? It sounds like you have everything covered.”
“What I mean is…I’d appreciate it if…I just want to know that you believe in me. If you don’t, that’s fine. I get it. But…I guess it’s just hard to push yourself to do better when you know everyone’s just waiting for you to fail.”
His eyes dropped down to his boot, which he scuffled across the boards of the porch.
“I’m sorry I came across like that,” he grumbled.
“You didn’t just come across that way,” I huffed. “It’s what you felt, and it’s what you’ve said…over and over again. I don’t blame you, really. Those are the roles we’ve played out since we were young. You’re the older, responsible one. You do everything right, and you always have. I’m the one who messes up. I make you look good.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” he argued. “I never…”
“I know it doesn’t. And I don’t intend for it to be that way anymore.” I turned to storm down the steps towards my truck. “Listen, give my apologies to Melody and Em. All the heat from today…it’s getting to me. I’m not feeling so well. I’m gonna head home. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Keith, wait!”
I stopped and slowly turned. I hated all of this, and I definitely didn’t want him to apologize to me just because he felt sorry for me.
“I do believe in you,” he assured me.
I studied him for a moment and knew he meant it.
“Thanks,” I nodded.
